Act One
Scene Two
Sub-Scene Two
Que Sera Sera
“No one knows what is in
your bed but yourself.” Iras soothes Charmian. “She tells...”
“Yeah, do tell. Do tell Iras
her fortune.” Charmian wanted to get her vengeance on the other.
“We will all have our
fortunes told. I have paid Maria her dues.” Alexas smiled. “I will collect
later from all of you.”
“My fortune; better than
ever since I arrived here, and most of ours too, tonight will be my fortune
that we go to bed drunk.” Enobarbus laughed.
“No fuck?” Iras cut in.
“Diddle yourself. It is more
satisfying.” Alexas said.
“Look at my palm,
soothsayer. It tells you that I am chaste, if nothing else.” Iras offered her
palms. “
“Yes, I will believe that
when the Nile tells you that there will be a famine when it overflows.”
Charmian hit back.
“Go away, you lusty friend;
you cannot tell fortunes.” Iras said to Charmian.
“No, if I do not know the
meaning of it, but your palms are sweaty. Or were you diddling yourself just
now?" Charmian laughed. “Please, just tell her an ordinary, everyday kind
of fortune. She might get an orgasm if you tell her more.”
“Both of you hold the same
fortunes.” Maria spoke out.
“But how, but how? Give me
details. You mean I will get many children too?” Iras was curious. “I will be a
sow too.”
“I have said what was there.
I cannot tell more.” Maria said.
“Tell me, soothsayer. Do I
get a better or least over her in fortune?” Iras pressed on
“An inch more, perhaps.
Where would you want it? Perhaps Ralph the stable hand measured to it.”
“Not in my arse; he would
not.” Iras snapped back.
“Oh. He has not, then.
Bloody swine was aiming at mine.” Charmian laughed. “He cannot reach me with
his.”
“May God correct our
inappropriate thoughts. Charmian! Iras!” Alexas sounded out the caution to the
ladies. She then turned to the soothsayer.
“Come on, Maria. Perhaps
less fortune; tell us more! Oh, a woman who is infertile, sweet lass, I pray,
and let her die too, and then have him marry a worse wife.” Alexas was
referring to Mark Antony. She had known more news from Rome than the messenger
will tell. It was easy to match him to a willing lover and be done with his
load of secrets.
“Let every wife be worse
after that, until the very worst one laughs next to his grave after she has
cuckolded him fifty times! Good mother of love, hear this prayer of mine, even
if you do not grant my prayers about more important things. Good mother, I beg
you!”
“Amen, dear mother, hear
that prayer from us! Because, just as it is a tragedy to see a handsome man
with an unfaithful wife, it is also a tragedy to see an ugly scoundrel with a
faithful wife. Therefore, Good Mother of Love, respect what's appropriate and
treat him accordingly.”
“Amen” Charmian also added
her prayers.
“What is with you, ladies?”
Enobarbus cut in. “Are you...”
“Naked in bed, Iago, and do
not mean harm! It is hypocrisy against the devil. They that mean virtuously,
and yet do so, the devil tempts, and they tempt heaven.” (Othello, Act Four,
Scene One, Line 10). Maria spoke as though she was in a trance. “They are
doomed.”
“Hush! Here comes Antony.”
Enobarbus saw the arriving figure.
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