Que sera sera

Jimmy please say you'll wait for me
I'll grow up someday you'll see
Savin' all my kisses just for you
Signed with love forever true
( Conway Twitty; Don't cry Joni. )

"Aargh......" I threw my pillow at the radio. That was the dumbest thing I could had done. I listened to that silly song and then I wrote that note to him. He was leaving for college and I thought I confessed my feelings to him. What a nitwit I was. How can I have done such a silly thing? It was all Sally's fault. She and her so called 'listened to me, I know what is to done' attitude. I did as she told me. I still remember the words she said.

"Stand up to your fear. You like him. And he may like you. So tell him. We are equal in love and life." Bullshit! I am shorter than him and more to it he is older by five years to me. Plus I was sixteen and going twenty one only in the head and not in the chest. Then the song came up on the bandwidth and I was swooned by it. Darned pillow did not do much for me to clutch on as it was too soft. I needed to feel his hands around me, like last Christmas when we danced to the slow number. He has nice after shave on him; I know as my head only reached his chin. But who cares about after shave then as I was floating on my feet. Well, it would had lasted if not for Smith putting in the fast number after that dance. I mean who do fast numbers on Christmas dinner. I may had tried but the tight spaghetti strap midi dress was not designed for it unless I know a Liza Minnelli gig. So I retired to the corner and finished my milk shake.

All alone while he danced with Kimberly. That was Christmas for me.

Okay back to my note. I slipped it into his bag when he was not looking. He left soon for the bus to go to college. It took me sixty five trips to the mail box to know he is not replying. He could had if he read it. He could just written lines like these.

Joni was the girl who lived next door
I've known her I guess 10 years or more
Joni wrote me a note one day
And this is what she had to say
( Conway Twitty; Don't cry Joni. )

But he did not. Not for sixty five days. No, sir. He did not. I guess they don't reply mails in college. Who am I kidding? My brother Ian wrote a letter a week to Dad asking for his allowance to be increased or topped up before midnight. I know as it would be the topic over dinner that evening and Mum would defend her 'son' to the last drop of the coffee she is drinking. Me, I am holding back my anticipation that the postman would deliver a letter for me. But he did not.

Not until day sixty six.

This was he wrote to me.

'Dear June, I read your note. I am sorry for the late reply. I did not know how you felt about me then. I am so sorry if I did not respond but you are so young and I am older. Maybe we shall consider it another time. Yours truly, Jimmy'

My tears came out like rainfalls on a Gale force 10 on the chart. I be darned honest with you; that week I consumed more ice cream and peanut butter than in my entire living lifetime. I also kicked Sally out of my life. She got what was equal to my foot in her butt.

Today is the my twenty first birthday, and I am celebrating it in style. I am only having salads and more salads. One has to keep ones body in shape for the coming years, and this is one good time to start. I know as I drew on the whistles and the 'whooo...ah..ah' when I walked passed the men. No, its not the perfume, darling. Its only my natural beauty. Please do not comment back. I am just beautiful and please accept that fact.

By the wishes of the lucky draw, I met him that day. He just came back from the city where he is working after he left college and we bump into each other. I said my hello and he did his. And then we went our way. I thought it was over then, until two days later, he wrote to me. Pardon me, I was reading his note when the song came up to here.

I packed my clothes and I caught a plane
I had to see Joni, I had to explain
How my heart was filled with her memory
And ask my Joni if she'd marry me

I ran all the way to the house next door
But things weren't like they were before
My teardrops fell like rain that day
When I heard what Joni had to say
( Conway Twitty; Don't cry Joni. )

'Dear June, I re-read your note. I was wondering if you would like to discuss about it. I meant you are old enough to discuss openly on your feelings now. Maybe I can call you. Earnestly yours, Jimmy'

He did and it was number sixty six ringing effort when I finally answered him. The song I was listening was playing these lines.

Jimmy Jimmy please don't cry
You'll forget me by and by
It's been five years since you've been gone
Jimmy I married your best friend John.
( Conway Twitty; Don't cry Joni. )

I told him that I am busy and perhaps we can meet some other time. I then hung up. He did get hung up alright as he hung himself outside my windows for days. My Dad asked if he should called the Police but I told him to hold back. "Jimmy is admiring your apple tree, Dad. He did not see them red ones before. He thought they were all grannies smith ones". I have to tell you this; men are dense in their brain.

"Well, June. Tell him, its a Granny Smith Apple tree". I swore if he was not paying my allowance, I would had flush my Papa down the sewer pipes that day.

Then came the day, Jimmy was to leave back for his work place and we bumped into each other at the airport.

"Oh, hello Jimmy. I thought ...." He jumped the queue and asked if I was to there to see him off on the plane. Have you seen Goofy when Mickey comes out with the bone on cartoon? That was how he looked like then.

"No, Jimmy. I am just leaving on the jet plane too. But you can come along if you want." He did. During the flight, they played this song for us.

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Ev'ry place I go, I'll think of you
Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for you
When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring
( John Denver; leaving on a jet plane. )

Didn't I say 'men are dense'. Ten years after we got married and with two kids in bed plus one nursing at my breast, he had to asked me. "Did you mean what you said in the note then?" I looked at my son nursing at my breast.

"If my milk helps you to grow, make sure its also does the same for your brain. Your dad lacks one large part of it."