Claus Kitchen 4

Beauty school dropout,
No graduation day for you.
Beauty school dropout,
Missed your midterms and flunked shampoo!
Well at least you could have taken time, to wash and clean
your clothes up,
After spending all that dough to have the doctor fix your nose
up!

( Excepts from 'Beauty School Dropout' from the Grease play. )

Mrs Claus pulled off the tight spandex off her full bodied chest. Its not that she does not looked bad in it; its just she can see her twin sets of bosom has got a joint twin sets just below. Its an absolute turn off; even my lingerie does not show all those excess. She has to looked into the mirror to see if her leggings are still intact. She is just feeling depressed at the thought.

"Darned you! All the workouts at the kitchen was supposed to ease the curves to concave but instead it added in more to the ligaments in the body. She looked back at the mirror and sighed.

"I wouldn't mind if I had muscles like Ms. Bodyworks but this...... is a housewife with ten kids hanging onto the apron looks. The worse part of it, I am without any to hang on." She muttered to herself as tears came down her cheeks. They been trying but honestly with their rounded frame sizes, they might as well sit on the 'see saw' on the park. She took up her usual flock that is more like a two square pieces of cloth sewn together with slots for the forearms. She draped it over her and walked to the kitchen.

She passed by the workshop area to see her love busy at his work. He has improvised his work table into a inverted 'C" shape to have it fitted around his bulging chest. He is hymning too to an olde favourite of her's.

I know I'm just a fool who's willin'
To sit around and wait for you
But baby, can't you see
There's nothin' else for me to do?

I'm hopelessly devoted to you
But now there's nowhere to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I'm out of my head, hopelessly devoted to you

( Excepts from 'Hopeless devoted to you.' from the Grease play. )

Then it crossed her mind. He is not to sing that song. It was her's to sing then but she dropped it since she found him. Or was it when he declared his love to her. But darned, that's my song. She marched in and bellowed her voice out at the bearded man.

"Mr.Claus, how can you still think of her after all these years?" Her eyes were all teary and she did not wait for his answer. She walked back to her; pardon me their room, and slammed the door. She leaned back on the door and she let her tears out. She ignored his knocking on the door.

She find herself singing to herself.

Look at me I'm Santa' love

Lousy with a oversize frame
Won't go to bed till its all dark

I cant I'm all fat and flabby

Santa seen it
Need I say I'm Fat
I was not brought up that way
Won't come across
even Rocky would melt at me then
I don't consume (no!)
I don't overeat (no!)
I don't touch more than my plate (ew!)
I get ill from deserts (cough)
Keep them pastries off my table
Would you see that crap with Anette?
As for you Mr Claus
I know what you like to do
Eat, Eat your heart out
Keep that to yourself far from me
Just keep your fats
Knot around your belly to droolp

Hey Claus
I' was slimmer before
Like the fuzzy you knew as Annete.

some people just can't recalled before.

( Adapted from Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee. )

Mrs Claus cried herself that day.

She then heard these words when she opened her eyes.

What's that playing on the radio, why do I start swaying to and fro
I have never heard that song before, but if I don't hear it anymore
It's still familiar to me, sends a thrill right through me
'Cause those chords remind me of the night that I first fell in love to

Those magic changes my heart arranges

A melody that's never the same, a melody that's calling your name
It begs you please, come back to me
Please, return to me, don't go away again, oh make them play again

( Excepts from 'Those Magic Changes' from the Grease play. )

Its Claus and the quartet of pixies dressed in the 60's suit and thin looking dark ties with haircut that resemble a half cut coconut shell. There was the drummer and three guitarists which are still strumming their strings to get the tones correct. What maybe more absurd was her love dressed up in a white tight overall plastered with colored beads and shells. It may had been a looser suit then but now its tight fit with zipper going up halfway on the chest. He did compensate for his lack of hair on the scalp with a pointed cap that resembled a droop of ice cream on the cone.

"Hey, chaps. The lady is awake. Should we do another number for her?" The man in the overall put out his left leg and tried ( I qualified here ) to gyrate his pelvis but its more of a quake tremor of the flopping belly here. "We shall do a number now to get her in the mood? Give me a ...one...two and a ....three."

Thank God, they can play those pieces, but you have to hear the Man do the impersonation piece.

Man in the overall

I got chills they're multiplying
And I'm losing control
'Cause the power you're supplying
It's electrifying

You better shape up 'cause I need a 'woman'
And my heart is set on you
You are in my shape, you need no better trimming
To my heart I must be true
Nothing left, nothing left for me to do

The fabulous half coconut quartet

You're the one that I want
You are the one I want

Ho, ho, ho honey

Together

You're the one that I want
You are the one I want
Ho, ho, ho honey

( Adapted from You are the one that I want. )

Mrs Claus walked up the singer and took his mike from him. She then looked at the boys standing behind.

"Don't you think its time for all of you to scram now? What is about to happened ain't rated PG-13? Shoo off now!"

The fabulous quartet dashed for the door and leave.

"Closed the door, boys." One came back and pulled it shut tight.

"Now, Mr Impersonator. Have you seen NIKITA? She can be one mean lady when she is on a mission. So what's your name and music do you play?"

"Band. J.Band. License to love you. I love Rock." For some reason, the zipper in the overall just slipped open by itself. It could be the gravitation pull of the lower suit due to space constraint.

"Well, I want Hard ROCK now."

At the safer distance away in the kitchen of the Claus' home, the quartet is putting up a new show for some screaming pixie's ladies.

"A one, two and three......"

I solve my problems and I see the light
We gotta plug and think, we gotta feed it right
There ain't no danger we can go to far
We start believing now that we can be who we are

Grease is the word
They think our love is just a growing pain
Why don't they understand, It's just a crying shame
Their lips are lying only real is real
We start to find right now we got to be what we feel

( Excepts from 'Grease Lightning' from the Grease play. )

Crusaders Part 13

Eleven years ago

The boy is now a growing lad who is now a hunter of the wild. He has been to the forest many times but he did not see the old man or the beast. It was not till he was about that age when he stumbled on his knowledge of his birthright. He was on his way back to the house when he heard his sister screams. He dropped the hares and fowl to run ahead to his house. There is a man standing at outside the house dressed in the brown cloth and sporting a musket in his hands. The boy did not pause in his run as he ran towards the man. He was not know what did happened but it did as he transformed from the lad he was into a beast of furry coat and long claws. He pounced on the man and slash at his throat. He did not stop in his action as he leaped into the house through the open window. He saw the man holding his sister while another was attending to his mother. She is tied spread eagled on the table the family used for their supper and the man hovering over her is holding a wooden stake in his hands. He is reciting some words but the beast understand not a syllable spoke by the man's mouth.

The beast knows those in his care are in trouble as he leap onto the table and slashed at the man holding the wooden stake. He then turned his attention to the one holding his sister. The man is trembling with fright as his hand holding the pistol at his sister's head pulled the trigger. She fell down on her side with a hole in the side of her face. The man who shot her was attacked by the beast who slammed him back to the kitchen area. The beast crouched over the fallen man and his claws dug deep into every cut he inflicted on the man.

"Sam, stop..... Please. You are not do that."

The beast stopped and looked at the man it just killed. It stood up and then bolted out through the back door.

The lad named Sam came back that evening after dark and walked into the house. His mother is sitting there by the same table she was laid on this afternoon. The mother on seeing her son ran up to him and held him tightly. The lad started to weep and begged his mother for forgiveness.

"There is none to give you, my son. You are cursed like your father and his before him. The blood of the beast runs in your blood and only the male heir gets it. We were discovered and almost persecuted by the Holy ones before we found sanctuary here. Your father would had known what to do with you but he was called away by the war. But he may come back any day and you would be told on the heritage. For now you need to rest and recuperate. If you are to asked of your sister, I have buried her in the woods near the stream. Of the three men who came here, they are now the food of the forest. Rest now, my son. But today's event remain our secret. When your father comes back, I would tell him your sister died of sickness. Do not tell him you have become one like him. He would kill you."

That was the the secret he promised his mother.

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Present

"Our destination has arrived. Welcome to the New World." We have arrived at the port which was soon to be called as Port of Spain.

Crusaders Part 12

Present

"We beaten them back...." The sailors are cheering but soon it was to die down when they saw the new threat. Its a pair of sea serpents but this ones are as big as the Galleon.

"Armed the cannons!" The Captain shout his order and the muttered to himself; "Never would I sailed with priest on my ship again. They bring in the curses and the damned onto my ship."

"Micheal, the culverin. Load them well and I be there to help you soon enough." I ran to the Officer's quarter and asked the priest.

"Do you have any holy water with you?" He nodded and point to the bag he carries. I grabbed it and ran back to the deck. I grabbed the First Mate and asked for what I need. "Do you have a harpoon?"

"Sir, this is a galleon and not a whaling trawler." He felt insulted that we equate his ship to that of the minions. I pulled the man by the collar and repeat my question. "In the armory. We use it to spear the sharks."

"Well, get it for me and a long chain please." The First Mate ran for the armory and I went forth to join Micheal.

"Micheal, I hope our prayers would be answered a second time. If not, its been nice to know you. But you still owe me two guineas from the last poker game." Micheal's reply was not in my ears as I looked at the pair of angry mates who are now examining their lost nest of young ones.

"Next time, they asked you to fight, reply to them to send theirs' so you would not feel so much pain." I had to mock at the serpents on their losses. But its sure got their attention. But then my First Mate has arrived with a pair of harpoons. They come attached with a long rope which was what I was expecting. I told the First mate to tie the harpoon rope to the wine bottles. I then took out the holy water and noticed its only a bottle content. Nevertheless I split the content into the two bottles of wine and took the harpoon to Micheal.

"Micheal, we got one shot each. You need to aimed at the top of their head and made sure the wine bottles broke at their eyes. It our only hope. But before that let us do a prayer for another miracle." Both of us got down to our knees and prayed to God.

"God, we are your loyal servant but of late we are in need of your help. Th holy water we have is small in volume but we hoped you can add your punch to it. And before you leave, can you steady so that we do not missed." I looked at Micheal who is staring at me. "More so for me, as firing a bigger gun ain't my best of skills. Amen."

I looked up to see the First Mate attaching the harpoon to the culverin. He has set one up and is doing the second. The bottle of wine and holy water is now hanging onto the the harpoon by the rope it was tied to. Micheal step up to his gun while I walked up to mine.

"Make way, First Mate." but the man would not moved.

"This is my ship and I been shooting this harpoon since I was a scrub boy. So stand aside and see how a man do it." I looked at the First Mate and have to admit he is a bigger man than me. I stepped aside and smiled at him,.

"I would tell that to the barmaid when we reached port. She need not grope us to compare on our arsenal." We both laugh but soon the splash of the sea tells us we are needed to be serious on the forth coming task.

The serpents were smarter or we are stupid as they came together on the right side. They intend to slammed into the stern and damaged the rudders so we can't steer the ship. But we had the best marksman on the culverin.

"Fire at will!" I looked at the Captain who was giving the command. "Its my ship and only the Captain can give his command."

I bowed to the Captain and looked at the oncoming serpents. Its like facing an oncoming raging bull but this one has a mouthful of fangs on it. Micheal was first to fire and the harpoon went sailing up and then rear downwards to the serpent head. But it struck at the left jaw of the serpent which caused the serpent to shake its head. When the serpent did that, the dangling bottle of wine and holy water hit against just below its left eye and the bottle broke to splatter its contents. 

But nothing happened.

Not then but later as the serpent rear back its head in pain from the searing contents as it spread down the neck of the serpent. Where the contents comes into contact, its can be seen raging streaks of fire that burns into the scales and flesh of the demon. It plunged into the salt water to quell the fire but the fire still rages on despite the cold water. As the water is of salt content, its add to the burning sensation and the serpent reel its head up again to avoid the burning feel. By then we saw the raging fire ahs engulfed the serpent head and neck.

Its mate was not better off as the First Mate demonstrated his skill at the harpoon. His aim was true but he did not listen to my instruction. His harpoon pierced the serpent in the left eye and the bottle was thrown into the serpents' open jaw. The serpent on instinct closed it jaw and biting into the bottle. The contents was spilled into the throat of the serpent and flowed into its innards. The raging fire was inside the serpent body and it can be seen spurting out in streaks of fire from within the scales of the coiled body. The two dying serpents coiled in a final embrace before it let the fire cover their scales and caused it to sink beneath the ocean depths.

"Thank you, God. Amen." The words that thanked the Almighty came from the First Mate as he lowered the culverin barrel. Some of the sailors who has a hold on the faith fell down on their knees to pray for forgiveness and giving thanks for having saving their life. We lost fifty good men and another forty was injured in the attack. But we saved the ship now sailing again towards our destination.

"Father Rudy, what you just saw in the fight must never be spoken or written. My squire here is part of us who are the warriors of Light. He may be .... endowed with special powers but he uses them on the evil and never on the innocent. I want you to swear on the Holy Oath of you preserving this secret." The four of us now faced the ailing priest who has cower in the bedding and refusing to look at us.

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Just me talking to myself.

Hi,

Today 'Sleeping Beauty - The Untold Version'; it hit 201 hits.  Thank you for enjoying the tale so much. I enjoyed writing it too.

As you reading the Crusaders now, I am also in the midst of writing a sorcery fantasy tale involving the elves. It had already covered over 98 pages long and its only half the story length. It gets more interesting as I expand the characters and plot. Some of the characters are a Gryphon and a large wolf, some serpents ( don't we love to portray "Mrs.Hiss" as the villian  in most tale ) plus sunken city and of course the chest of gold.

Did I hear that? No bosom-filled lass? Of course, there are ladies in it. Who can lived without them around?  These ones are mean and if you think the barmaid at the Tavern is meaner, think again. They can split an arrow down the middle like Robin Hood.... I should not elaborate on it. Robin is lucky Marion of Sherwood do all the acrobatic splits or else it would be very painful for Robin.

Hungry fighters? Oh, please. If they are starving, how could they fight? Nope, there are no hungry fighters in  my tales. I leave them out at the games. Mine are always well fed, so when the creatures bit into them, they get morsels of flesh and not only scrawny tendons and skin. The era of the thin looks also went extinct in the 70's along with Twiggy then.

He-Man? Pardon me, but in this tale, there are elves. No....they are not short and round like a barrel. Those are Man over 40 or Hobbits. These are lean looking muscular defined models and yes..... they wear tight leggings. So spare me the evil looks. Its their dressing code. It was not Robin Hood who initiated the dressing design, Robin borrowed from the elves. How does it looked like? Try the ballet room. They all wear it..,... I meant the male dancers. Its fashonable if you have the legs to don one. I wouldn't try that dressing as most of us would end up looking like Dumbo in Swan Lake.

Well, that's all for now. I would be in my corner if calls for me.

Cheers

The Cherry Tree

The place is huge and there is so many people there getting down from the drawn carriages. The place is also well lighted and I can see the arrays of flowers which lined up the stairs to the main door. I am frightened as I may be out of place. I looked to my Godmother as she sits opposite me in the carriage.

"Tell me I can go back. This is more than I expected. There are so many people. They are all dressed so...." she was to hushed me up with her wand.

"As splendid as you look now but none as beautiful as you are today, my dear. You asked for a wish and I grant you one. Be yourself and be your dream; dance to the music and let the man for once takes you into his arms. Is that not what what you wished; to be a lady in a man's arm. Here we are and you may step down, my Princess. But remember this; before the strike of twelve on the clock you must leave the place or all you wished could be gone."

I looked at the her whom I known all my life as my Godmother. I reached over and hugged her before I alight in my glass slippers. My gown was to slowly draped itself onto the floor as I move away from the carriage. I could hear some murmurs of wonderment from the other ladies as they see me walked past them. A few men who stands at the side without an escort were unsure of what was to be done.; do they venture forth and be denied their dance as I could be with my beau who may be trailing behind.

But alas, I am alone, and alone I would as I mount the steps to the Ballroom above the stairs. My dainty feet stopped at the doorway as the Doorman announce my arrival.

"Lady...Cinderella from the ... Shockley" He is baffled as I know not many of them knows of Shockley as its well hidden from many sights. But I am not here to explain myself but to dance. That is my wish and my dream was to do it with a man holding me in his arms. When one is of beauty, there are many admirers who would come to court, but when one is more than the meaning of beauty as said by some by the definition of beautiful, you find yourself without admirers as not many dared to asked lest you reject them. But the braver ones will attempt and most times they are the handsome ones.

"My Lady, my name is...." I heard a few and they do dance well but the one that held me longest was the host himself. He is the Prince himself and when he held me to dance, the floor was cleared of the others as we swing to the music at our heart content. I could hear the mumblings of the awaiting ladies for the Prince's hand but he is holding me tight and yet we speak not a word in our dance. But I had to break the trance and so I did.

"Your highness. If I may, my legs are tired and I may need to sit for a while." I looked into his eyes and he was most apologetic in gesture.

"Pardon me. I forgotten as it was really nice to dance with you. Please allow me to escort you to your table." But I shook my head as I told him I have no table reserved. The Prince was nice to said that he will accommodate me at his. His table is the largest in the Hall as its sits not ten but twenty and eighteen of it were occupied by young ladies of the society. The Prince set me down on the last seat as his father, the King sat on other available seat.

"Please be seated, Cinderella. That is your name as it was announced." I smiled at him and he picked up the wine glass for me to drink. I declined as I do not drink wine but I prefer the water from the spring. He heard my request and he sent his servant to fetch the elixir of thirst immediately. The King offered his seat to the son which the Prince took without a thought of his father discomfort. But the older man took his rounds to wished on his esteemed guests as he feels happy that his son could be meeting his match tonight. I can't say much for the eighteen other ladies who had a sudden urge to retire to the powder room to re-arranged their facial lines.

The Prince and myself spoke for sometime as I rested my feet and sip my glass of water. Then he asked if I could do another dance with him as there was no others on the table which he can invite. I looked around and I can see that none of the ladies has returned. They are probably in the bushes with some other 'prince' of their own choices.

I rise up to the last dance with him and as the music was playing, I could hear the chime of the clock.

Boing! Boing!

Its time. I must go. I pulled myself away and ran from the Hall with my Prince in pursuit.

Boing! Boing!

I rouse the roses to protect me as they did with them laying themselves across my path to block the Prince from catching hold of me.

Boing! Boing!

My carriage appeared before me, as I quickly mount it and dropped my right shoe. Its my glass show that is now held by the servant as he watched my carriage rode off with me inside.

Boing! Boing!

I must get back or the dream is gone. I held the glass shoe in my hand and I cried.

Boing! Boing!

A dream it was and like all dreams they must end. I held out the glass shoe to the crow perched on my carriage. "Take it to Cinderella. She deserved it more than I do."

Boing! Boing! The clock struck twelve.

I am back at the woods and standing before the Tribunal of Trees.

"Little cherry tree, you had your wish. Are you ready to return to be with us now?"

I nodded at their request. The winds came and the leaves rustled as I feel myself drawn back into the self I actually am. I am now the cherry tree that in grew in the Shockley Woods but I am glad I had lived my life for once as lady and danced with the Prince. The little bird that perched on my branch the next day told me that the Prince has found his Cinderella to fit the glass shoe I left behind. I smiled at the little birdie who is also my Godmother.

"Thank you."

Crusaders Part 11

Twelve years ago

The boy ran into the forest to look for his sister of age five. She had followed a stray dog into the forest and Mother is worried. Now the boy is only ten but he is built like his father and has the courage of a bear. He ventured in without a consideration for the dangers he might faced. His main concern was his sister, and that of his care comes before anything else.

"Mary! Mary! Speak to me. Where are you?" The boy may be of that tender age but his sense of skills in the hunt is on he has been taught since five. He used to follow his father into the woods and he would be the fetcher of the trapped animals. But of late, his father is now serving in some army fighting some frontier war leaving him to care for the family. He had ventured into the forest to hunt but not with a musket but a short blade around his waist belt. He traps them small animals now more than to pursue a deer or a bear. The later he would run more from than to attempt any confrontation. That has been their life; a series of avoiding confrontation with the outsiders and choosing to live in the deep forest. They survived on the wild roots and plants with the supplement of meat by their catch in the traps or hunts.

This was not their life before as the boy can remember when he was younger at the age of three, it was a lavish house with servants. But one night, his parents took him to leave for the dark forest and they never emerged from it again. Now he does not understand why his father choose to fight another man's war when he has banished himself to the forest.

But that is not the concern today, as he was more concerned that his sister could had wandered deep into the forest as there are tales of beasts that east the hunters. He prayed to God that she is safe and nearby, but his instinct tells him to move there to search while its still light. He moved as fast as he could, jumping over the roots of the large trees and ducking the low branches. Then he heard the howl which he knows is that of pain. In the forest, when such a howl is heard its either of man or beast. If its the later, its best to put it out of the misery or it would hunt the man as we are the slowest and clumsy among all the animals in the forest.

"Mary!" But the reply he got was a growl.

He crouched down and crawled to the source of the sound. He slowly part the bushes to laid his eyes on the injured beast. Its a huge beast and all covered in fur but it has a head that resemble a wolf and yet its not a wolf. Its injured in the chest and there is a wooden stake in it right thigh. Its trying to pull it out but it won't budge at all. The boy slowly got up to his feet and withdraw his blade. He knows he has to do something, as this beast is not of the forest and may kill again. The last he assumed based on the tales his father had told him of the wild beast that resembled man who has fur on them are man-killers. The boy went up to the beast who now pulled away further to avoid him.

He fears me but why. I am just a boy and he is twice my size.

"The beast knows you. He does not want to see you here." I turned to face the man who spoke of those words. He is old native man dressed in buckskin and carries a short staff with some feathers on it. "He fears you would know the truth, but then again he needs you to save him as you are his destined savior."

"Who are you?" He seen these people before when they come by the house but they do not come in or harass us. They may stop at our well and take a drink or change a pelt for a live chicken. Most time Mother deals with them but she goes out armed with her dagger and pistols cocked to fire. Father, if he is around, would stand guard behind her with his musket and saber.

"I am 'The one who travels' and many lands I have traveled. I seen many things and learned many more. The one you see as a beast may not be one but right now that is not important. You must assist in removing the stake from it leg and also the arrowhead on its back. Then we would talk." The old man point to the beast who is still writhing in pain but avoiding the boy's stare.

The boy senses no fear than but to move forth until he was at the beast's feet. He slowly moved his hand holding the dagger to the thigh that was injured. The beast does not moved but its snarling at the young boy. The boy's hand reached the wooden stake and he used it to prod at the wooden stake causing the beast to howl in pain. By then, the boy has moved his body over the beast legs and sat on the knee of the injured leg. The wooden stake was impaled from the front and the sharper end is at the rear. It may had cut into the flesh but not the bone. The boy knows not of how to remove the stake but he knows how to pull out on from the ground. He dropped his blade and reached out with both hands on the stake. He pulled with all his strength on the stake and the beast howled in a loud call that could be equal of that to a man's call for mercy.

The boy threw the wooden stake he had just pulled out while the beast has fallen into an unconscious state.

"The arrowhead in his back needs your blade."

The boy turned to the native and asked him; "why do you not do it? You are a man but I am a boy."

"Yours is the destiny and mine is the witness. Do it now while it sleeps." The boy hesitated and then reached for his blade. He was in mind to kill the beast as what his father has told him before. "If you kill it, you would regret it for the rest of your lifetime. Do as I say."

"You helped me to push it over. I cannot move this load alone." The boy told the old native who have now come forth to assist him. The boy took his blade to part the fur at the wound entry. He saw the broken off arrowhead that has struck in the beast back. He took the blade to pry open the wound and reached for the arrow head. The piece came off and the wound is bleeding.

"Now this is my work. Step aside, brave one." The old native took over to administrate on the bleeding while the boy sat back. Then he remembers why he is in the forest.

"My sister?" The boy stood up and was to run again through the forest but the native old man spoke up.

"Your sister is back at home. Go back and await your father soon." The native old man ignored the boy when the boy took to his heels to run home. The old man was right as she did come home and she was not in the forest, but nearby in the stream area.

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Some Earthly Jokes

These are some jokes taken from the internet.



After many years in anger management the Father decided to go play a round of golf.

He dusted off the clubs and grabbed a Nun for a caddy and they headed to the local nine hole course. He tee'd off, and as of years of old it hooked mightily and he said, "Damn it, Missed!"

The Nun properly and justly chastised him for his verbiage.

Hole two was as grand a slice as you could imagine and he let out a "Damn, missed again!"

Again the Nun dutifully gave him a stern warning.

For all the remaining holes leading up to nine he either hooked or sliced and, now mad, shouted each time, "Damn! Missed AGAIN!"

Each time the Nun warned him God was going to punish him for his outbursts.

On the ninth hole he rared back and tried to kill that little ball and following true, it shot off in a direction he was not happy with. "Damn, MISSED AGAIN!"

"Father, God will surly punish you!" the Nun shouted.

The sky turned to ugly black clouds and there was a huge bolt of lightning and the crash of thunder. There, lying dead on the ground was the smouldering corpse of the Nun and way off in the distance a booming voice said, "Damn, missed again!"

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A minister was walking on a bridge. He sees a fellow getting ready to jump and says, "Why're you jumping?"

The guy says "Nobody loves me."

Minister says "I bet God loves you."

The guy says "You might be right."

 Minister says, "Absolutely, whether your Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, other religions or Christian like me. Are you Christian?"

Guy says "Yeah, I'm a Baptist."

 Minister says "No kidding, so am I. Northern or Southern Baptist?"

Guy says, "Northern"

Minister says, "So am I. Eastern or Great Lakes Council?"

Guy says, "Great Lakes"

Minister says, "So am I. Charter of 1867 or 1912?"

The guy says, "1912".

The Minister pushes him off yelling "Die you heretic bastard!"

Crusaders Part 10

4.

Present

The sea around is filled with serpents of man sized but they are not attacking us. The sailors are all getting their weapons from the armory while the cannons are being loaded with assorted steel balls and nails. I was with my two other friends on the upper deck as I left the squire to guard the ailing priest.

"Priest, if you have a prayer, do it now. I never battle that many demon in one battle." I looked at the hordes of serpents who swims with the galleon in the middle.

"Leviathan; they are. Demons of the sea. The Leviathan is one of the seven Princes of Hell. We can only for God's intervention in his battle." I wanted to tell the priest that we are part of the God's answer to such problem. Then I thought of an idea.

"Captain, tell me you have silver ingots in this ship?" The Captain looked at me and with an irate voice replied to me.

"Yes, we have some ingots but how do we met them? Build a fire now and wait for the whole ship to burn.' I hate wise cracks at this moment but I asked him to hand me the ingots. I ran to the cook and asked his his biggest cooking pots. He brought them all out which some are about half his size. I dropped the boxes containing the silver ingots into the pots.

"Gabriel, you can hear me. Please do us the miracle." True to his words, or was it God's, a bolt of lightning struck the cooking pots and we find ourselves with pots of melted silver. I told the sailors to coat the steel balls with the silver coating and reload the cannons. Immediately some of them shook out of their daze to unscrew the cannon balls to release the steel bars. They dipped it in the melted silver and put them back in the balls.

"Do you think it would work?" I looked at Micheal who is holding onto his pistols. He has on him at least six pairs and they are all loaded with silver balls.

"I am not sure but I think it would. The idea came to me like a divine message so it would. He would not waste time telling me such trivia issue at this moment." I see the sailors are loading the grapeshot into the cannons. "But the ones we did not get to shoot would be on the deck here. So are you ready?"

The skies above us is all dark now and the sea is getting choppy with the serpents creating the artificial waves. I saw the sailors are coating their blades or cutlass with silver.

"Micheal, see those 'culverins'. Do you think you can manage them with the mini balls on the biggest of those snakes? I need a steady hand there." I point to the six 'culverins' which lined the upper decks at the stern. Micheal need no encouragement as he went over to the guns. I noticed the 'sakers' on the aft deck and assigned Baron Helmut. I was to take the middle deck and test my swing with the rapier.

"They are coming....." The shouts can be heard on and across the decks. I looked over the railing and see the serpents are moving in with their skirting over the waves.

"Fire the guns now!" The Captain shout his order and the gunners lit the wick on the guns to burn the gunpowder. The volley of grapeshot went off like a swarm of bees at the serpents. The first volley tore into the oncoming serpents but they are still coming. "Reload and fire at will"

Below deck, in the officers' quarter, a priest is kneeling with his arms on the bedding in deep prayer for a miracle. It was then the window on the deck broke open to admit in the intruders. The priest saw the slithering serpents rear their heads up to strike. But they did not as they soon focus on the transformation of a man into a beast. A beast with a large furred body and the head that resemble a wolf but he is not a wolf. He is known as the Wendigo and they are savage beasts with deadly claws. The best is also know as Clawler who now stands in between the priest and the serpents. The first serpent reared it head back and then strike out with its venom at the furred beast.

Clawler caught hold of the lunging serpent by it body before the head with its left hand while its right hand caught the middle body. It raised the serpent body to its jaws and it bit into the serpent as if its biting the chicken in the coop. It used it long sharp fangs to tear away at the flesh and then discard the dead serpent. It then grabbed another serpent who had sunk its fangs into the beast's left thigh but the beast does not howl in pain at all. It pulled the serpent out of it left thigh and pulled the head of the serpent off its body. It then faced the third serpent who has slipped by the beast to confront the priest. As the serpent lunged it body to strike the priest, it was held in mid strike by the beast holding onto its tail. The beast swung the serpent against the wooden wall and beat its head to a bloody pulp. The other serpent who just slitter in paused and decide to retreat before its also meet the similar fate.

"Oh God, what has thous sent to me? A beast from your underworld or an angel in disguise?" But the beast turned to look at its care and snarled.

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Crusaders Part 9

Present

"Oh my God! You are the one who was there. It been like ...." I was awed by the Priest who still remember me after all these years.

"Twelve years is a short time for me. But the better memories I retain to further my works for the Church." Then priest lie back on his bedding and smile. "In addition to the girl, I have also brought in more to my house but only she was to be a servant like me. There is a secret which I would shared with you, she was with a child but we destroyed it while it was in her. The old lady has many herbs for many ailments."

"But what did happened after then? You have aged and yet its not your time." I took hold of the priest's hand and I can feel it tremble. "Why do you tremble, my dear friend?"

The priest cry again and turned his face away from me.

"Don't make me recount those years. If not for my personal belief in the faith, I would had joined the dead in Hell, as a sinner."

I pat the priest on the shoulder.

"Rest my fellow brethren. No harm shall come to you here." I took my leave of the priest as he lies facing away from me. When I got up from the bedding, I chanced my view of the man who stood by the doorway. "Father Sebastian, please step in."

But he declined my offer. "Could we talk elsewhere? He needs to rest."

We meet at the deck and the priest was kind to offer me a small jug of wine which he took from my quarter.

"A good wine and the time drink so we would be stupor during the storm." We both took our swig on the jug and soon we were sitting on the deck. " I would tell you about the fate that befall Father Rudy. The Church has a long history over which time it has changed in many ways, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. We stand to protest against some of the wrong things they believed the Church believed and done some things differently to what Protestants believe the Bible has instructed. It resulted in Catholics believing what certain individuals and traditions have said, rather than what God has said through the Bible."

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Five years ago

"Its heresy what you said. Repent your ways and returned to the right way." The pain is excruciating yet the man who used to don the flock held onto his stretched limbs and begged for mercy in his own whisper.

"He won't talk. If I pulled another turn, he may just die. Not many has come this far and lived." The Inquisitor speaks the truth for he's done many of these.

"Release him and throw him to the dungeons. Bring me another." The priest was released from the rack and dragged by his feet to the dungeon. They left him there with three others. Its a small cell but its not crowded as many who leave here never come back. One of the three who shared the cell came forth to hold the frail man who just joined them. He offered the tortured man a drink and move his body to a comfortable position.

"Father, speak to me. How much have you hold onto?" The man cradled the injured man.

"Do...not.... betray...your faith." The tortured man slipped into unconsciousness.

Three weeks later, the injured man was able to sit up on his bedding. His body is still in pain but there is work to be done. The man tried to stand up but he finds his legs failing him. He tried to feel his limbs but all he does is feel is pain. He calls out but no one is listening. He sat there and cried out more times but still no one came. He reached for table nearby but he could not reached it. He ended falling on the floor and this time he laid there not moving. It was not another hour before he was found by the others. By then his body reeks of urine and dirt.

The priest soon find himself able to walked by himself in a months time, and it was not for a year before he was reading the Bible again. He started his preaching again but in the far away lands far from the Catholic Churches. He ran before they could catch him and he ran faster then before. Its was like God is sheltering him from the pursuers.

Then last weel the younger priest came to see him; "We have seek passage to the New World. We would escape when the time is right. Be prepared, Father Rudy."

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Present

"Move your butts, Gentlemen." We were kicked by the sailors from our stupor. As we got up, we looked over the railing to see the sights that no man should be allowed to see. Its a sea of serpents and they are big ones who swims in the sea. "God help us."

Remorse in Flame

I am to write this like I am doing a play. I need to engaged my audience into my backdrops and movements. This is my first attempt so please bear with me.

Now is the time.

( Backdrop of clouds and the view to the lands below. The Sun is coming up and the moment of truth is becoming clear. You are standing at the side to see him with her standing at the edge of the cliff. Its pure white on the ground as its winter time. )

The winter snow on the world’s plate is almost pure. How they’ve taken all of it as granted seems impossible this moment. Songs and light are the loveliness of the days, seeing far into the past. Can you grasp onto my wrist and bring me back?

( you moved your stare to your hands clasped together ever tightly. You wished it was his on yours but you see are only yours alone. Your expression is sadness and then anguish as you looked back at them. You move both your palms to your heart and feel its beat. )

Your name is engraved in my heart with so many cuts and bleeding. I’m falling apart from my sanity, watching your fingers intertwine with hers… and your face is so empty: no hurt, and no regret, just the coldness of being lost.

( Tear welled on your eyes but they cannot be held back by you. You closed it to remember the past moments when he held yours. )

I’m so light. It feels like feathers soaked with tears in my spirit, where I am so numb and broken. I scream your name a thousand times, but you never hear me, for my words are silent whispers to you. Where the fires used to be, it’s missing. You’ve let go.

( You leap off the cloud to soar with the wind. You opened your mouth to scream but no sounds can be heard in the strong winds. Your flight takes you higher than before into the dark space above you. )

I would die to feel your lips on mine again.

I’m dissolving inside myself, fading from my life. I’ve lost everything I lived for, and I’m finally just the nothingness of imaginary years. No one remembers who I was, not even you. I’m almost there, in invisibility.

( The wind has died down to nothing as you float in the empty atmosphere. You are alone; feeling lonely; your directions lost; your desire gone; you are a vessel without a soul now. But you still looked for your previous love as you float there, but he is not seen anymore. )

I want to hold onto you forever, but now I realize that I was a distraction from your destiny all along. She has been yours since your first breath and always will be. I’m so sorry.

( You sighed in remorse; it was an unrequited love after all. You thought and you tried but yours was not to take what already given. You felt the remorse to had felt that and you are resign to your new fate. )

And even as I long to feel the fury you deserve for tearing me in two, there is none. All remaining is the fragile forgiveness and tears I’ll never shed. This pain and near memories leave me behind in the past.

( Your face lit up in anger at your treatment. Its shows in the glare of your eyes, but it subsides as it started for you know you were the one in the wrong. You looked away and feel no more need to see him. )

Today is the last time you’ll be freed from humanity. The silver glow is taking over the world, filling the skies. I swear I won’t let it happen again. It hurts too much to watch you change.

The backdrop moved from dark to silver glows from the sides. The glow projects to the land below. You know what it meant, and you tried to fly towards it. Use your body to block it but you are in space and all you do was float. You looked in fear as the silver streak shoots down to the land. Your hands reached up and cover your face. )

Will you hear me this time? I love you so much.

( You mumbled to yourself lest he can be spared. )

The angels are coming to take me away from this darkness. Tonight, I'll escape and maybe breathe again.

( Your rightful guardians appeared and they hold you by your arms. They motioned you to follow them. You have to but you looked back once again. Your face tells it all; you will come back again. )

My conduct of the characters play to showcase the emotions. The last para was the most difficult as she has given up hope ( and love ) yet she wants to seek him. That is confusing to me. But here is my take of the story.

Crusaders Part 8

Twelve years ago

The Basque are a free spirited people with their own traditions and cultures. One of the most interesting part of their culture is the dance. The basque dance movements are so invigorating that once you take to the steps you soon to become like them; all swaying and stepping to every beat of the dance steps. I was assigned by the British Admiralty to scout the inlands of this areas for possible hidden army buildup. Technically speaking, I am on a spying mission which is one of my other work tasks besides quashing demons.

I arrived in this small village in the Basque country in disguise as that of a peddler of trinkets. I have to admit its the worse disguise as the people in this area are already well adorned with their own. In the reversed I end up buying theirs to allow me more time at their settlements. It was on one hot day that summer I can upon a small church in the place named Mazon. Two unique standout in a small town is one darkened Englishman buying trinkets and a church in these part. The basque then had very little regard for the words of 'God' as spoken in the halls of the Church. Nevertheless, I am a devout and naturally I seek refuge there. I met a Priest there by the name of Rudolf who stands out like myself. He is from the northern east lands of the main continent and now he serves his parish in this obscure land. The priest was young and he does not question his Church action to send him so far. But for him to actually erect a home fo God here is a feat by itself. I spent sometime there with him and while I was idling with hard bargains on the wares and spending good gold pieces of the England's treasury, I also got info on the movement of troops in the area.

But one thing caught my interest more. There is a myth of an evil witch who resides here in the nearby forest. She takes on the young and innocent who dares to ventured in to the dark paths of the forest unescorted. What made it more interesting was during my stay, a young girl was discovered missing that evening and immediately the folks around placed the blame on the witch.

"Come, Perrier" It was my assumed name then when I am on such tasks. "We have little time but we must save a life before its taken." That was the young priest who dragged me through the back door with two lighted lanterns. He asked me to take the horse while he rides the donkey. "Its not far if we go by the hidden path. Please follow me."

I did as I was told but I made sure I have on my weapons as a life is at stake here. My destination was not far as soon we reached a cottage in the forest. Both of is rode up to the cottage and dismounted. The priest knocked on the door with his fist and soon it was opened by a young lady.

"Let me in. Where is your mother?" The priest pushed his way in and I was to follow suit. Its not that I am afraid of the dark but I can sensed some evil presence in the cottage.

Its not a large hall but its got the basic seats and tables for a small family. The windows are without drapes but they have very sturdy latch on them when closed. There are two rooms in the cottage and one is the kitchen as I can see the stove and kitchen stuff. The priest has barged in and move to the room. He is heard arguing with the occupants of the room. I turned to face the young lady and when she looked back at me, I apologize for my rude entry into their home.

"The priest knows we are doing good but he is also here to protect us." The young lady dressed in a shabby patched up dress may be of young teens looked at me with her concerned looks.

"Protect you? From whom?" But my question was unanswered as she hears of the commotion outside. She rushed over to the windows and latched them shut.

"Them. The town folks who is coming here for my mother's blood. They would blamed us for offering shelter to their young one. She was hurt in the attack and I brought her here. If not for me, she would had died." The young lady has completed her task, seeks a corner to hide herself. It was then the priest came out of the room and pulling a lady out of the room. She is an older lady with equally poor dressing not by choice but by lack of luxury to own a proper dress.

"Sonya, you brought them to your mother again. Do you know they think of her as the witch and they would burned her at the stakes if she is found with the child. You deeds are going to caused your mother's death." The priest pulled the older lady to sit on the seat at the table. Her daughter named Sonya, rushed out of the corner to embrace her mother.

"Priest, you taught me to give shelter and love to the ones who is in need. Now you tell by following your words, I am endangering my mother, then let me banished to Hell for my action." Sonya is one defiant lady whom I seen not many in my lifetime.

"Hush, my child. Your christian hospitality is the bane of your family now. I need to talk to them, and cleared the mess." The priest reached for the door but I stopped him.

"Tell me what did happened here. I could help." I pleaded with the priest. The priest looked at me and shook his head.

"The child was hurt by the spirits of the demon from the forest,. She was rescued by Sonya and brought here to her mother. Mara here is a healer of the old ways but her herbs works well. They have managed to save the child but now her guardians are here. How do they know who saved whom or harmed whom? The pair of them here are my first converts and I have to protect them in the name of God." The priest is crying and his eyes are flowing tears down his cheek.as he speaks.

"What evil spirit could had done this?" I had to know as I seen many demons in my hunts.

"The forest one. Its not seen before it has strike not once but a few times before. No one who has seen it lived to tell the tale." The priest looked at me with his concerned eyes. I pushed him aside and unlatched the door. I walked out and confront the lantern brandishing group of angry men/

"The child is safe. She has been taken care of by the old lady." But the mob wants blood and they want me to hand over the child and old lady. The later would be burned at the stake. "No, you cannot do that. She is not the killer but she actually saved the child. You may be of the same faith as me, but in mine, the old lady has done good deeds with her action. How can you punished one who had saved your daughter's life? Tell me now. Step out here the one who owns the daughter. Hide not in the group and declared yourself."

A man who is smaller in frame build but well stocked muscles walked out.

"I am her brother. Our father is dead three years ago. I protect and forgive her as my father would. But like my father who taught me restraint, please allow me to see my sister and allowed her to tell me the truth." I allowed the kin to see her sister. While I hold guard outside, the priest who took the brother to see his sister later took the man out of the horse. "He speaks the truth. We have a demon out there."

It took me three days and night to trace the real killer; a forest demon in the form of a half creature who we know as Succubus. I trapped it in the cave it dwell and it ran inside. I stood guard outside and wait. Soon its patience broke and it came out. Its dark and hideous in looks and with fangs bared, the Succubus pounce towards me with deadly intent. I fired my pistol getting the steel ball embedded into its nose and when it writhe on the ground, I thrust my rapier into its heart. Then I took up the spear borrowed from a forester and stabbed it repeatedly. I dragged the carcass back to the town and displayed it for the people.

"Here is your murderer and violator of your womenfolks." They cheered me but all was silenced when the last victim walked up to the hung carcass. She spat at it and drew a dagger from her bodice. She raised her hand with the dagger and was to plunged it in her torso when the priest intervened at her action. He caught hold of her hand and pry the dagger away.

"Every life is given by the Lord shall not be wasted by your own action. If you are to die, let it be on its time or by the action of the sinner. But never by your own hands or you would be a sinner. No one in my parish would be a sinner if I can prevent it. Hell cannot accommodate all of you. " The priest shout his voice so that all within the area can hear him. "Not yet anyway. " The last he muttered to himself.

"The devil violated me. Who would take me for his? He who I allowed him to bed me would not do so as he knows of my past. I am as good as dead. Who would take me after this?" The girl fell on her knees and shed her emotions in the flow of tears that runs freely from her eyes.

"Christ would. He would seek you to be his bride in his house. Join me in the House of the Lord." The priest held out his hand.

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