Bulimia and Me

PG13 and its a sad story.....

I run and jump everyday for five miles and then an hour at the exercise bike. Its my routine and the best time to do it is from nine at night to midnight. In the morning at six, I am at the pool and I would do six laps before I come back for my aerobics session. I do it all alone as I can't stand company with me. I carry a Taser with me on my runs if you think I am not being careful. There were one or two such incidents but they won't try again.

Am I fat? Pardon me, the correct term is obese. No, I am not. I am slim and I looked good in my running suit. I think I have reduced the fats content in my body to almost nil but I am not giving up till its all gone.

I am back now at my apartment. There Brett coming back with his date. He saw me and he waved at me. I did the same but his date does not look pleased. Well, screwed her. I am not fucking your man so you can get screwed yourself. I known Brett since I moved in three years ago but then I had Matt for company. So Bitch, you can be assured I did not screwed your boy friend. I only screwed mine.

I went in to my dark apartment. It no necessity to turn on the light as I know my way around. I walked to the kitchen and raid the fridge. I am famished from my run and I needed my nutrients. There is the cheese block, the cold meat and the milk shakes. And of course my favorite pecan nut ice cream. Matt used to go nutty over it. He would spread them over my belly and licked them up. Yes, Bitch. He licked me up with the Ice Cream. Never had that, huh?

I sat down at the table and gobble my food. I reached for the remote and turned on the box. Its another crappy re-run, and I seen it thrice. I switched to the lifestyle and it showed the cooking series. That's refreshing as it a new recipe and the chef looks delicious. Matt was a chef and he used to cooked those great meals for me. I told him I would put on weight but he said, 'never an inch would I missed on you'. We would fuck like crazy then, even on the kitchen floor. Yup, Bitch. Never had it there before, huh?

Time for my shower. I dragged myself over to the room and into my shower. I strewn off my running suit and stood naked there under the shower. Its refreshing at this late hour to be standing under the cold torrent water. It brings out the heat in your body and closed the pores off. My shower is long as I washed every part of my body of the odor and dirt. I toweled myself and step into my flannel gown. I know I looked like a gramp lady but I liked it. The fabric rubbed into my skin and its feels nice. Matt used to rub me down with the towel and he would carry me to the bed. He could as he was a big man. He would lowered me down and we would make love the night through. Bitch, I doubt with Brett that he could do that. He is a wimp compared to my stud.

Oh, no. I must get rid of it. I ran to the sink in the bathroom and I pushed my finger into my throat. It must come out. It has to or he won't like me. The cheese, the cold meat and the all I ate is coming out. Its all out and I am glad. I slided down to the floor and sat there. Matt used to say take out the trash if its not needed. I listened and I obliged. But our child was no trash. Its our effort and love that the child was created. Its our love gift but he did not want it.

He only wanted ME. MY FUCKING BODY AND NOT MY SOUL.

I lost our child and also him. For him, I felt no loss but the child, I felt remorse. I was deceived by him for his lust and my weakness for his cooking. He put everything into me and discharge them like my waste including our child. I am angry at him. Every time I eat, its him I think of. Every time I run, it from him to be away. I could stand the hours when we used to make love here. I had to leave this place. So I ran. I come back late to washed away the dirt as I washed away his touch on me. As I throw up the food that he placed in me.

MATT, I FUCKING HATE YOU.

You made me what I am today. From a healthy lady with a voluptuous body to the skinny wreck today.

MATT, YOU BASTARD! I WAS FINE BEFORE YOU TURNED ME.

MATT, I LOVE YOU.

But why did you leave me? Was I too fat? I can lose the weight. No, its not me then. It our child; it make me look big. I swear I did not eat too much. I watched my weight for you.

I SWEAR ON OUR CHILD'S GRAVE.

Please don't leave me. Oh, please. I won't eat again.