Tony and Cleop Act Two Scene Two Sub-Scene Four

 

Act Two

Scene Two

Sub-Scene Four

Men’s talk

 

“Hail the most trusted counsellor of Caesar, worthy Maecenas! My honourable friend, Agrippa.” Enobarbus smiled. “Shall we have a drink now? My throat is parched.”

“You would have a hole in the chest to complement the one on your face.” Agrippa cautioned the others. “Keep it shut, and you may live to the age of sixty.”

“Aye. I can agree. My mouth and... my prick; insolent they are with their own mind at times.” Enobarbus sighed.

“It is your decaying brain there.” Maecenas smiled. “Here are the drinks. To Rome. May she flourish.”

“Good Enobarbus too.” Agrippa smiled. “Not every friend of mine reaches sixty.”

“We should be happy that things have worked out so well. You had a fine time in Egypt.”

“Yes, sir, we slept through the day and brightened the night with drinking. When it is dark, we let our nose and prick do the trail-finding. They can be darker than the night.” 

“I hear there were eight wild boars roasted whole at breakfast, and for only twelve people! Is that true?” Agrippa asked.

“That was nothing. We were too tired in the morning to care then. We had much more extravagant feasts than that, which certainly deserve to be noted.”

"Cleop... the Queen, I meant, she is a most magnificent lady, if the reports about her are true.” Maecenas looked at Enobarbus.

"You have been listening to Philo and Demetrius. Yes, she is. A beauty with tanned skin. When she first met Mark Antony, she secured his heart on the river of Nile; that was what they called the darn canal. It was a carnal orgy then.”

“Do tell me more. I may be older, but I could still put on the imagination for the silent nights. Did she appear there, or else the person who told me so made up a good story about her? I will shoot him.” Agrippa smiled.

“Let me tell you the details.” Enobarbus smiled. “Take a seat, each. Or we will be seen with a woodpecker in our pants.”

“I will tell you. She sat in a barge; she owned one there in Egypt. She sailed it on the river, which she named the Nile. There are alligators there, but they call them crocodiles. On the barge was the polished throne, so bright that it was like a flame burning on the water. And the handle bars are smooth. I could have sworn you could have it up yours any day without any discomfort.”

“To the rear deck, it was hammered gold, and the sails were purple and so perfumed that the scent would have made the very wind fall in love with them. The oars were made of silver, and the oar strokes kept time with the music of flutes, incoordination to the drums they beat there, and when the oar stroked the water, they made the water flow faster, as if moved by lust.”

“Enobarbus, you made it sound like an orgasm was due.” Agrippa smiled. “I may be out of practice, but the mind still works.”

“Shudder your sex life. I want to hear more.” Maecenas snapped out.

“As for Cleopatra's appearance, it was impossible to describe. As she lay under a tent, they erected this huge tent there; the fabric was woven with golden thread—she outdid even that picture of Venus, which was already idealized. My dead wife did that once, and we had rounds then. It was before I knew of her tailor.” Enobarbus smiled.

“On either side of her stood handsome, dimpled boys, like smiling Cupids, with fans of different colours. They all lacked the balls. I meant physically, but they could stand well. The breeze from the fans seemed to make her delicate cheeks glow even as they cooled them, undoing the very thing they did. She was hot but not searing hot, but, darn, you all know what it feels like.”

“Oh, how nice for Antony!” Agrippa smiled.

“That was not all. All her maids; attendants they are, resembling sea nymphs or mermaids with less cover than your wife on a hot night...”

“Mine has worn her flannel nightgown since our honeymoon.” Maecenas cut in.

“Anyway, the maids tended to her as she watched them closely, and their curtsies further decorated the boat. At the helm, a person dressed as a mermaid was steering. He was bare at the chest. His name is Mardian; he was the he was the killer of the kills and held a piece that even our gun barrels will not measure up. But he was without the balls.”

“The silken sails and ropes swelled as they were touched by hands, soft as flowers, so they skilfully carried out their tasks. A strange, invisible perfume wafted from the barge and struck the noses of the people on the adjoining riverbanks. Everyone left the city to see her, and Mark, sat alone, whistling to the air …… even the air itself would have gone to look at her, if that would not have caused a vacuum in the atmosphere. 

“I need to pee now.” Agrippa laughed. “Truly exquisite. Do continue.”

“When she met Antony the first time, Antony sent her a message inviting her to supper. She replied that it would be better if he were her guest, and she requested that he would be. Our courteous Antony, who had never heard a woman say "no" to him, groomed himself with ten times the usual care and went to the feast. He paid for his meal by giving her his heart, looking at the food without eating it.”

“The Queen indeed. She got Great Caesar to put away his sword. He slept with her, and she bore a child.” Agrippa smiled. Caesarion was the son of Cleopatra and the only known biological son of Julius Caesar, after whom he was named, but he was not seen after the death of Julius Caesar. Some said he was sent away.

“I saw her once hop forty steps through the public street. Having lost her breath, she panted and said that she turned even a defect into something perfect. I knew not what she meant, but Antony joined her to hop. She was breathless with him.”

“Now Antony must abandon her completely.” Maecenas cut in.

“Spare me your prophecy. He will not. Age cannot lessen her beauty, and even once you get to know her, the endless mood swings mean that you never get tired of her. With other women, you stop desiring them after you have enjoyed them, but the more you have of Cleopatra, the more you want her. Even the grossest things become attractive to her, so that even the holy priests bless her when she has sexual urges.” Enobarbus smiled.

“If beauty, wisdom, and modesty can secure Antony's heart, then Octavia is a valuable prize for him.” Maecenas smiled. He sides with the Romans.

“Let us go. Good, Enobarbus, please be my guest while you are here.” Agrippa offered the long-not-seen friend. “Welcome back once more to Rome, Maecenas.”

“Thank you, sir.”