Rapunzel the Untold Parody version.

PG-13 or SX-18 rated, depending on where you are reading this. Its downright .......tempting, so read at your own risk.......It was a challenge to write a tale using the following terms; vampire, witch, hairbrush, and hair......So here is the 'demonted' version

 

 

 

I am here to tell you a tale when the reality become blur. It was a trip through the dimensions; an array of dimensions not of noise and visualization but of the thoughts. A journey into the the reality of the land we knew as the Fairy Land. Next on the list, the length of Rapunzel woes.

The door creaked open ever slowly with her push, and when it was wide enough, she peeked in. To her dismay, there was the blonde version of the lady standing there with the make believe large scissors about to laid waste the long; pardon me, extra lengthy blonde tresses of her beloved niece. The lady at the door screeched and slammed the door to the side wall with the hinges groaning from one more dreary experience. It also caused the animated hairdresser to revert to its original length of blonde hair.

"Rapunzel, are you mad? Or out of your hair? How many times have I told you not to cut the hair?" Aunt Hubbard or Godmother Uno Numero rushed up to the lady sitting by the window sill, while her blonde tresses were mimicking her thoughts. Now shaken of that ugly thought, Rapunzel pouted out her lips in a moody mode.

"And of all the mindless thoughts, I am not your nemesis here." With that the blonde version of her' dissipated to hide beneath the layers of Rapunzel extra lengthy tresses of blonde hair. She got to admit to make a full height of herself as the Godmother took more than five foot of hair for the height with three more for the extra curves and rounded bends.

"Why can't I? I hate these ......? Rapunzel was pulling at the roots of her concern.

"The hair was your mother' heritage. She was not called the Witch of Shampoo for fun." Godmother Hubbard explained.

"She may be fine with it; but I need the trimmer with extra batteries just to remove the turf below." Rapunzel bellowed out. "Do you know that Mason complained when he had the intimate peek? He thought I had a hedgehog there. That was the end of our sex life."

"Oh!" Godmother Hubbard was wondering why Mason admitted himself to the Rehabilitation Center. Now she knew the reason. The last one who went there complained of 'libido failure'. He was said to had sparred with the hair brush for friction sensitivities.

"You could had told me. I would had sent the box of hair removal." Godmother Hubbard was away for the conference in Transylvania for the 1001 Nights 25^th Anniversary with Count Dracula. She was in the next world when he laid his fangs into her. Nothing like a double for the dose. It was worth the 1001 pints of blood.

"No, its not the hair removal. I just want to be lifted of the curse as a witch of Shampoo. Even the four witches of Oz never had this problem of over growing hair." Rapunzel lament on her woes.

Well, Godmother Hubbard would had told her the others had more issues than hair with them. Cinderella had her hands full with five babies and another one in the sack with the Prince ego to have a kingdom of subjects. She once told the Godmother, he can have his kingdom come and I wished I was Halley' Comet one night with him every seventy years. Sleeping Beauty or Aurora could hardly stay asleep after her marriage, that the Prince have asked for separate bedrooms so he can sleep in peace. More to that, she snored when asleep. Snow White was a full time nanny with the seven dwarfs placing their kids to her for caring. She commented that one thing the dwarfs are tiny on was the family size; they each have seven in their homes. She drew the line on the breast feeding or she would be trailing teats drops on the flooring. Jasmine was not spared too; she had Aladdin looking to have a households of forty princes to go desert trekking. Tiana the Frog; well she ran away with the Bullfrog. She reckon compared to Kermit, her Prince was a darned too fast on the jumps. Pocahontas was last, she had recurring nightmares of James chasing her with the tomahawk, and calling her savages; she had filed for irreconcilable differences.

"Okay, out with it. Who was it this time?" Godmother knew her care well.

"Its the Green boy. All he ever does was used the lantern in the corner there. And sing that lullaby of his." Rapunzel  finally spoke up.

"You meant the brightest day and night, evil I shall thrashed..." Godmother Hubbard asked of her as she drew on her wand. Greenie and her were arch foes since Van Helsing retired to the old folks home.

"No, its the one that gone missing for five years and came back with the fetish for bow and arrows. He' taken over Cupid' role. He only comes here for the lantern so he can find his way home." Rapunzel sighed. "If only he had pierced me."

Godmother Hubbard sighed. She handed over the rope to Rapunzel.

"It belonged to an Amazonian Warrior. Tie him up and ravished him. Its about time you leveled the playing field." Just as Godmother Hubbard was to leave the tower, she heard the voice below.

"Rapunzel, lower your hair so I can get my lantern. Its dark here and I am afraid of the ghouls."

"Hold onto your breeches. She's sending you the hairy express." Godmother Hubbard hollered to down below before she disappeared into the darkest night to be reunited with the guy in the cape. Who needs sixty nine when you could do it hanging down. 

Okay, that's it for now. Jimmy, take that thumb out of your mouth. You making a bad example for all of them. It does not matter if Alice does that. She lives in Wonderland, and you are not. The rest we would covered in the followup Adults version after midnight. Time to go to bed, children. And remember this, whoever believed in 'happily ever after' never had kids to take care in their life.

Or read my book., Mother Hubbard Baton and Boots Camp. Ropes included, but cuffs are optional.