Mirror mirror on the wall

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, show me who's the fairest of them all?" I heard her call on the mirror. I reached over for my hour glass.

 "Gawd! Must she be that early?" I looked out at the hole on the wall, or was it the wall around the hole; whatever, and it was gawd-ly dark.

"Mirror, are you awake?" I hate when she does that. I crawled out of the bedding, careful not to wake up the others. Or it would be a quickie before dawn. Gee, living a life with nymphs could drive your nuts dry. I walked up to the mirror and looked over.

"Mirror, do you mind getting dressed? The last thing I needed was you giving the King ideas." Oops! I was naked. I excused myself to drain my bladder and then reappeared with the upper torso seen.

"What in tarnation got to you, Queen? Its not even dawn and at this un-Gawd-ly hour, did you missed your night cream or was it he spurted on your face?"

"Mirror, I come to you to asked on the question on who's the fairest and not what was applied on my face? If there were any, it was his saliva dripping on me with his snores." The Queen was agitated. Okay, I reached for the script by the side and read the lines.

"Its you, my dear Queen who is the fairest of them all." That was the usual line, but there was more that Gawd-ly pre-dawn. Darned my contractual terms, I had to read them all. "But the one that would overtake you by dawn would be Snow White."

"Mirror, repeat the last line." The Queen had leaned forward to glare at me.

"Well, hold onto your boobies. If it ain't for the corset, you need to have clothes hanger to perk them up." Oops! Bad line for the day from me. The Queen held me at arms length and posed with her side view for me.

"I have still the curved when I was eighteen. So banished your sarcasm or I would had you melted to the silicone that made you." I wanted to laugh; who was she kidding, she had on more silicone than me.

"Mirror, tell me why Snow White would surpassed me as the fairest by dawn?" I knew she would take the bait.

 "Snow White turned eighteen tomorrow. She would be a lady and with her complexion white like snow, she would be ranked as the fairest." I paused in my words. I had to let the bait get taken hook to the reel. "I did took the liberty of being her adviser to that. After all, the mirrors of the world is my domain."

"What did you do?" The queen screamed. I can assured you ladies, please do not scream so loud or the fold on your face would get etched into the skin and ghastly would be the result. Smile like me, and all would be fine with your two hundred over muscles in the face as they stretched elegantly.

"Well, I am the Mirror, and mind you, I do get to see many ladies in my time. I cracked on those I can't bear to see, I prayed for the veil for those who insisted to display their bodies to me, but I do advise on beauties like yourself. More so for the young ones. They are blooming from their baby fats to the snowing creamy white skin."

"Tell what did you do?" The queen was pulling her expression to the undeniable level of hellish red.

"Okay, I told her to dabble in some night creams and try my latest rejuvenating potion made from the fairies poo poo and then meshed with the nymphs you know what, drained out through the filtration process to extract out the nutrients....." The queen screamed again.

"Okay, she took my advise and applied it. It only cost tow gold sovereign each bottle. Once nightly and after two weeks, you would see wonder." I splattered it all out. "It was a simple commercial arrangement. After all, beauty is in the looks."

The Queen stomped off in rage. She does that every time I tell her the truth.

"Don't bring me any red apples." I shouted after her. The last basket killed my stallion. Poor stud dunk out forever. I went back to bed and the nymphs woke up.

"Who was that?" They asked.

"Bad client but she would come back. They always do. Only the mirror could get them their real reflection." I looked to my nymphs. "Now who would like to have an early face wash."