Joni and Me I

Soon I left our little home town
Got me a job and tried to settle down
But her words kept haunting my memory
The words that Joni said to me

Jimmy please say you'll wait for me
I'll grow up someday you'll see
Savin' all my kisses just for you
Signed with love forever true

It had been twenty-five years since I left my hometown.  I remembered that day when I walked up to the house and knocked on the door. She opened the door holding your child in her arms. I was beyond words then when a hello would have sufficed. It was she who broke the silence on me.

“Hello, Jimmy. Have you just arrived?” I was still dumbstruck standing there with my overnighter and the bouquet of flowers. She had told me that she liked roses; red ones to be sent by her Prince Charming.  She offered me to come into the house.

I did and then I had my second shock that day. I cried when I heard what Joni had to say.

“Jimmy….” The child seated on her lap clung onto her when my tears came down. “Please don’t cry. You will forget me by and by. It’s been five years since you have been gone. Jimmy, I married your best friend, John.”

I remembered then was walking out of the house with the flowers. I tossed the flowers onto the street and kept on walking. She did not call me back and neither was I bothered to do so. I left town on the next train and have not been back for over twenty-five years. Joni was her name and she did not wait for me for even five years and yet I came back soon after five times those years.

Twenty-five years can change a man and I was a changed man. Well, I thought I was but I was wrong. I could not forget Joni since that day. I could not forget John who was my best friend to marry my girl. I could not forget that I left her crying then when I told her she was too young to marry me. Well, fools are made daily but little I was to know how much a fool I was. It took me twenty-five years to return to say my gratitude towards her.

That was what I thought of when I drove into town. The town has not changed much; considering a quarter decade had gone by I was expecting developments there but I saw was abandoned farms and derelict structures.  The train station remained as it was twenty-five years ago, the stopover from the city to another. I saw some structures that reminded me of the town, but the people walking by there were total strangers. I was to see Joni at her house, flower-bearing then but instead of roses, I had some lilacs. I guess the charms of the roses may have worn off. It was on the route when I saw the Diner. It was the very place I used to take Joni out on the weekends to listen to the jukebox while drinking colas. I pulled over and went in once more. The place was pretty much the same; the wall décor may have been changed and the jukebox was missing. In its place was a PC workstation. I took my seat at the table at the end when the waitress called out from behind the counter.

“Mister, I am not been rude but could you order over here? My feet are aching from the lunch crowd and now is my rest hour.” I looked at the blonde; well she was at the head but she was a colored lady.  who was I guessed was about my age and decided to humor her by stepping over and sat on the seat by the counter. I placed my order and then waited patiently for it.  A man stepped in in his worn factory assigned overall and stood on the far end of the counter near the doorway. I caught a whiff of the alcohol on the man and it was still sun-up then.

“Coffee, Maddie. I need one now.” The man called out. He looked familiar to me but after twenty-five years a lot of us had our looks changed. That man was bearded and untidy compared to my three-piece suit with the Worchester materials.

“Here take your coffee and leave. You bum!” Maddie the waitress cussed at the untidy man who left carrying his cup of coffee. She then turned towards me.

“Sad bloke. Wife died some years back and he was out of the job. He has a daughter at home and she’s handicapped. Lord! Bless me, father. I do not want to have a life like that. Amen.”

I had my coffee and then took off. I was not far from Joni’s place. I hoped it was still there. I could have asked the locals but a part of me wished she had moved on. That will have capped my twenty-five years of the long wait.

God was not on my side.

I knocked on the door and heard her voice. Her sweet voice was surreal then. I straightened my posture although my back muscles had claimed that it was agonizing. The door opened and there she was. My Joni as if she had never aged. The same dress that she wore then when we met twenty …no it was more than twenty-five years.

“Joni Michael.” I wanted to rush up and hugged her close but something stopped me. The young lady was holding a cane; the foldable types. Oh my God, she was blind.

“No, I mean yes. I am Joni Michael Edwards. My mum was Joni Michael.” The lady replied. “Who are you? I can’t see properly.”
I was to give my name when another voice startled me from the rear.

“Who are you? Get off my property.” I turned to look and saw the man from the Diner but that time. I recognized him.

“John….. John Edwards. It’s me, Jimmy Cotton.” I held out my right hand to shake. It was not a shake I had in returned but the fist did return me to the days when I was John’s ringside manager. I woke up later on the couch in the house with the voice of my beloved Joni bellowing at John. Well, it sounded that way.

“I won’t go with him.?” I heard that and many things are spoken about me while I was supposedly unconscious. I made some noise from my throat, and it was definitely not pleasurable. Soon I was joining in the rabble of discussion on custody of Joni.

Ironic was it not when I had nothing to do with her. I meant in many ways except that I knew Joni, her mother. John asked me to take care of her citing that he was incapable of being a father. With him out of work, he felt that she was better off with me. In short, I was the replacement father. I wanted to say no, but the words won’t come out. Every time I looked at her, I saw Joni. I felt the urge to hold her and God forbid me, intimate relations. I meant physical relations.

I meant sex.

Fuck, I was twice her age.

I was supposed to fuck her mum. Forgive me, Joni. Thankfully we had not. I could but I didn’t. She was fifteen then. I could have been hauled up to Court and charged with rape. Well, I was not for I respected her. I did for the next five years when I was away. I meant I did not fuck any others. Man or Woman, if I am forced to swear. Well, not physically.

Soon after she rejected me when I met five years later, I left and was alike a monk in recluse; I abstained from everything including sex. I worked hard and harder still in my career and then later my business. I became successful but never was I ever involved in anyone.

Fuck, I was too faithful to Joni. God, I had to confess. I did have some fantasy of fucking her while I was horny, for all the good it did to me, she was doing it incessantly with John. Well, they must have for they have a child. That looked like her.

I was the fool. More to the fool I was, or foolish was I when I accepted Joni into my life. John died that week I arrived at the town. He stepped into the oncoming train. I never thought he was suicidal but it happens at times. We cannot be attentive to all the happenings around us. Soon after the funeral, I brought Joni with me back to my city home. I was leading the blind lady into a blind lifestyle which I was still trying to shape for my own.

I lived alone in the city with my work as my mistress. I was already fifty-two of age, and with my solitude live, I had neglected my health. I have a dozen medications to take to keep my lifestyle alive. And none included Viagra. Yes, there was the Multi Vits but that worked in silence. I felt nothing with or without it. I thought it was over for me. I found my Joni, although not in the physical intimacy manner but it was my karma to with her through her daughter. Yes, I became a devotee of the faith which had stayed me on my track.

My first lure of the Devil was the day we arrived at my apartment. Thankfully, she was not to see the untidiness of the place. I was living a single life and my socks may not be in the right bin. I did, however, maintain some nice scent there with my scented gels. While she was seated on the couch, I was picking my trash and some ‘should not be seen’ vids. Okay, I had my needs too.

“Can I take a shower?” Wow! That was staggering. I meant with due respect not to read as disrespectful, I had blazing trails in my thoughts. I led her to the bathroom in the spare room. I excused myself to resume my cleaning.

“Jimmy, could I have my dress from the luggage?” I had moved her luggage to the spare room. I opened the suitcase and seen there was her personal clothing. I was not a pervert but that was my first intimate sight of her I had seen. I saw then the yellow sundress worn by her mother. It may had fitted Joni, for she looked like her mother.

“Have you got my dress?” I heard her and grabbed a few. I was not exactly a Gucci designer to know which will fit her at that moment. I turned around to fetch her the dresses when I saw her standing there. She was nude and the towel was on the floor.

God, she looked beautiful. Spare me your penance, I confessed. My body betrayed me. My breathing was heavy but I was saved by the phone. I excused myself to pick my call. For once, I was glad some rep called me on some idiotic scheme. I flopped on the couch after my call. I heard her cane rattling and got up. I assisted her to the couch. She was dressed in her mother’s sundress.

“Do you like my dress? It was my mum’s.” Joni looked exactly like her mother with the same hairstyle. She asked me to sit next to her. I did like a good schoolboy in detention class. No, it was not the smart ass but the nerd that was caught in the prank. I sat there and listened to her.

“Jimmy, I have …. I wanted to say thank you for taking care of me. John was a good father until mum died. He lost his job and …”

“It is over, Joni. Herewith me, you are …. Safe. I will take care of you.” I assured her. I know it sounded horny…. I meant corny but I meant the later. Joni then told me of her mother. She was blind at birth and never seen her parent’s faces. She knew them from their steps and scent.

“I was like a bitch. I could tell by the scent.” Joni laughed. She continued on and when her mother died, she was alone. John was working to make ends meet but soon he succumbed to his bad habit. He hardly turned up home but the others came.

“Others?” I was concerned.

“Yeah, the boys and then some guys. I could tell so I will lock the doors. I will scream and the neighbors will come. Sometimes, the Police came. And John will come home.”

“Had you no real friends?” I asked.

“I am not sure.” It was then Joni placed her right hand on my left knee. “Joni did tell me about the birds and bees. She told me to be vigilant for the wolves. I had once a friend. He was nice but soon the niceties became …”

“Did he do anything you did not want?” I had to ask.

“No, we never got past the kissing and the touching. I fought him off when he tried to … take it further.” Her right hand had moved then towards my thigh. “I chased him off. Was I wrong?”

It was then I really wanted to hold her. I wanted to assure her that it was all in the past. She was my Joni then. She dropped me the next question.

“Am I beautiful like Joni, my mother? You saw me just now.” It shook me to the core of my heart when I heard the question. I knew then it had to stop or I will end up doing something stupid.
“Yes, you are. But you are not the lady I desire. You are the lady I loved. Not as a person of desire but as a loved one. It may be too early for me to surmise that in words, but given time I will make it to you. I owed your mother, Joni that much. If I had not left the town on my selfish thoughts, I could have waited for her to be eighteen or twenty-one. My love for her should not have such barriers but I was a fool. I learned that after five years but I was too late. Love is an eternity but it shall not be made to wait. I had regretted my action for over twenty-five years. I won’t wait for another twenty-five years to avoid my love for Joni. But this round, I am loving what Joni has given me a second chance; a daughter not of my blood but of my heart to take care.” I took up Joni’s hand and placed it on my heart.

“Let me love you but not as that. You will find your own love one day and let it known, I will give you away then at the altar of love.” I had then leaned over to hug her. Her tears came rolling down on my shoulder. It was then I recalled Joni’s words to me; You will forget me by and by.

“Joni, I won’t forget you. I never did.” I spoke to her in my mind.