Insults for supper time

This is a tale on the dining table during supper of an extended family of five; husband and wife, wife' mother, husband' dad and the only child of the marriage, coming to her teens. The married couple are professors in the Uni for literary studies and research, although they reside in different Uni. The surviving parents' are also professor in language. The child however is a brat who is entering High School and thinks the world is a shit hole filled with more shit.

Its their usual fare of supper; leftover from last night and added in more mushy TV dinners reheat packs.

It was fine until the child muttered; " *God must love stupid people. He made SO many.* "

"Pardon me, young lady. Did you say something?" The mother looked at her with a disapproving look. The daughter looked up and then at the father for support.

" *When in doubt, mumble.* " The father replied without looking up from his plate. 

" *Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.* " The old man could not help himself. He was however referring to the older lady across the table.

" *Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.* " The older lady smiled back at her retort. That took the old man to offense. But the daughter in law assisted the mother first.

" *Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.* "

" *Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.* " The son stepped in to defend the father. That riled the wife who retorted back.

" *Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.* " She glared at her husband but the father in law was not taking it down that lightly.

" *Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?* " He was reflecting on his son's decision then. That riled up the lady's mother who think that the son in law is less than he claimed to be.

" *Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.* " Now she is glaring at her son in law and spat it out to him.

" *The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.* " The son in law was trying to pacify the situation but the swords are drawn, and they would be blood tonight. The father stared at the son and then at the older lady.

" *Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.* " He took the low jab at the older lady. Then he looked at the younger version and added in this line. " *If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...* "

The daughter did not take on well to that discriminating remarks. She added in her'; " *Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand* ".

The husband took offend to it, and he added in his line: " *There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away'* ". He did not stopped there; " *I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?* "

The wife looked at him and said " *I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.* "

"Aha! To be blamed for something; I know how that feels. *I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.* " The Father in law was referring to the two days a week of vegan diet when he wanted was a T-Bone to chuck at her. He also added in this line; " *Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.* "

She remembered it well as the father said he was a better cook than her. She lashed back with this line; " *Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.* "

"Pardon me. Slinkies? I never knew you could bow to so low. Well, son. *Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.*" Then he looked at the older lady to continue on; " *Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.* "

Then the child spoke up: " *Children, you spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.* "

So they did and supper was fine after that until the next time they sit down.

The child once wrote on his blog; *We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control*.