"That's all. I want a list of a minimum ten things and a maximum of twenty things that annoy me about you.That's all" That was my wife remark to me and I said okay. Here is my contribution.
I had to use Jonathan Blake as cover again.....sorry Jonathan.
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"Jonathan Blake, can't you leave your socks in the laundry basket?" I had to raised my voice as I bend my back to picked up his dark socks from the floor. He is one sloppy bastard when its comes to arranging his things. He calls them organized chaos and forbids me to do anything lest he loses his items. But I have told him that if that is equivalent of the Amazon Forest, even the natives would get lost in there.
"Well, Mrs Blake. I thought after being married for thirty five years you would had known all about me. After all, I am naked to you since we got married." I hate him when he is smirking on his 'naked truth ' to me.
"Well, Jonathan Blake. I been married to you for thirty five years and by golly, if it was not for Ryan Reynolds leaving me for that french Cherie Nicole; I may not had married you then. You are always second best to me." I knew that would hurt anyone's pride but not my hard headed old man of mine. He has shagged me to the bed railings and for that I have given him three kids, so he knows where Ryan Reynolds cannot out best him there. I remember the number of times I told him I have a headache and he thinks an aspirin cures all. Well, it did for him but I left holding a sackful of him in me.
"Oh my God, Jonathan Blake. Don't tell me you can't keep your aim straight? And please......there is a lady in the house." I had to bend my back and raised the toilet seat as he never does it every time. The last time he did was his poor mother was here; God bless her soul as she did not had endure him that long like me. She kicked him at eighteen and only sees to her grandchildren' twice a year on a overnight stay. The bathroom cleaned and I retired to my domain in the kitchen.
"Oh, no. Jonathan Blake! Don't tell me you ate the whole pie I baked this morning? It was for my Ladies Club meeting this afternoon. Jonathan Blake, you are an inconsiderate bastard." I know he is one which is why I baked two instead of one. If I don't feed him at home, he would be camping at the drinking hole eating sausages and fries for life. Its not that he minded as he is ever greedy for anything meaty. Trust me I know. I can showed you the bite marks at you know where. Well, at least I am feeding him non-fats meat which is good for his cardiac.
The phone rang and I had to picked it up. If you expect him to picked it, you would be sleeping under the tombstone and he would not answer you. He is one lazy bastard in the house. I answered it and slammed down the receiver.
"Jonathan Blake, did you pay the phone bill? They are threatening to cancel the line and that includes your cable TV." I knew that would hurt him. He has a very selective memory on him and its all got to do with his masculine personality. If his cable TV gets canceled, he would be doing shadow boxing for a while instead of shouting at the idiot box in place of the personal trainer.
Then I heard the sound of something crashing in the living room. I rushed in and I saw him on the floor with an unturned ladder next to him.
"Jonathan Blake, you are a failure in DIY. If I leave it to you all these DIY, it would be DIE for you or me. What in heaven and earth made you try to climb the ladder in this room?" I looked at the ceiling and I can see why. He is trying to fix the bulb there. "Well, Jonathan Blake. If you called 999 and tell them you done murder, they could see you in the Electric Chair before Christmas. So please don't do it in my living room please."
I pulled him up and sent him packing to his armchair. I picked up the bulb and straighten the ladder. I climbed up and fixed the bulb. It was then I saw him standing below me looking up.
"I hoped you like the view, but I can assure you its all there plus and minus in some places. So stop peeking." One thing about him is he is always looking over my shoulder or under it as if he is the supervisor and I am the apprentice. I told him many times, if I was to command him; it would be me coming at first base and he holding at the last base. That tells you his performance in the Olympics.
"Oh, please. How many times I told you to used the tissue from the box? Its designed to adapt to your murky discharge from your nose and the index finger is not designed to go there." He thinks he is one midgets in Snow White and always singing 'heigh-ho'. I am sure my vacuum can picked up his 'gold nuggets' but I am not keen on looking for it under the coffee table or anywhere.
"Jonathan Blake, do you know where the astray is? Do you know why we put it there? No, its not for paperweight.......you are already are doing fine as one. Care to put the pipe there and not dropped it every where? Look at me, old fool. If you know where to deposit your millions; can you do the same for your left over tobacco ashes or I would tell you how a piper feels when he sits on his own pipe." I took up his pipe and tapped it on his forehead. He may be one stubborn fool but he is also one messy one.
It was then the door bell rang and I walked over to opened it.
"Oh, hello ladies. Please come in and have a seat. I would have the tea and servings ready. Here is Jonathan Blake my old man." I introduced him reluctantly as he remained seated there while seven ladies trooped in. They are members of my club and I am the host.
Or I thought I was until Jonathan Blake took over.
"Mildred, would you bring the pie out too. The ladies would like to taste it too." That obstinate old fool has done it again. He is overstepping me and playing his charm on some ladies I invited over. Darned foll has not lost the touch since he convince my father he is a better man than Ryan Reynolds. God, why did I ever believed him there was ants beneath my dress that night thirty five years ago.
Bastard is a real charmer and I am married to him.
Bliss? I supposed so. Its not everyday you get marry a millionaire then.
( ten points I dislike in Jonathan Blake: sloppy, stubborn, bad bathroom habits, greedy, lazy, selective memories, libido performance, nose digger, dropping ashes and charmer when its come to other ladies. )
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