Male Tales 1.089

Issue 1.089: When its time to re-vist your MIL...

For those of you who lived in my era of time, there was a motion movie on a 'XXL' shark that terrorise some beach spots until someone blew its innards off with a diver's tank. It carries one cpation which still haunts me till today......

'Just when you thought its safe to go to swim in the sea.....'

I stuck to the children's pool since then.

But enough of the grim thoughts as Halloween was yesterday. Let me haunt you with this tale..... and gripped your seats, for you are going dive into the the world of MIL again.

So the tale begans..... ( dreadful music from the large pipe organ piano sounds the entry of the narrator and swish of smokes premeates the air... it smelled of smoked bacon; overdone on the pan. )

All of us had to do it once a year or bi-yearly, but you cannot get away more than that unless you are bed ridden or she is herself, then its good riddance.

Okay, some of you never had to; you are the lucky bastards.

We are the ‘abnormal’ son in law’s who has to do it.  I truly sympathise those who had multiple wives, I am sure those sedatives comes handy before and after the visits.  I know of one chappie who was lucky as he married both sisters and the MIL has not much to compared on.  But those are rare cases.  Just like your wife may have more than one mother ( or mother-in-law ) to contend.

Confused?

Try this dosage, I got another friend whose wife has two mother; one by birth, and the other by marriage; the dad re-married later.  And to add to it, she had two grandmothers.... and never mind we all know by now.

No, he never got to marry another woman. As she said it; the buck stops here.

So what do you do When its time to re-vist your MIL...

Well, the above dosage of sedatives could be increased to a level where its numbs the brains from any tranmission to and from it. Its called 'zombie-dead'. Its like taking a dozen aspirins with a bottle of scotch, and then dung your head over the seating bowl. Trust me, you would wished you were a zombie then.

I asked this to a few married peers, and they gave me their remedies;

·         a bouquet of flowers, like chrysanthemum if you married an asian, or dark roses if you married one which is not asian origin; unless your MIL is into gothic tastes.

·         a case of whiskeys to soothe the echoing; medical certificate from the physician for erratic heartbeats. I friend of mine got a bottle of wine with a snake soaked inside from the Indochina countries. His MIL asked; you telling me something with this or you expect me served it to you?

·         or a fat BONUS cheque for her ??????? The last one was from one of the ladies whose husband we were talking to. ( So we will expurged that from our list for now like pulling the cistern level....whoosh, there she goes... )

But I liked the last one given to me by a good friend.

He said to tell the MIL when you see her, saying that the wife is leaving you for someone new. Said that she is preferring to be a young man’s slave instead of being your oldself darling. And he assured me, the MIL will back you for sure. Incidentally, his wife was at overseas and she cannot be contacted as yet as she left her portable at home. He got the royal treatment from the MIL and even got a cold turkey for the trip back home.

But when his wife got back and after consoling her mother, he was served the 'cold turkey' for meals and given the icy cold treatment for days.

But considering the options, I think this may not really work after all. My wife may not come back from the holidays and I will be living my own tale by myself.

Unfortunately, I am not visiting my MIL this time; she is visiting me this round.

No, its not to ensure we stay together; I meant me and my wife, but she wants a change of scenery from it all. So I am a pawn in my own home now with the Queen, and the Queen’s Mother over my throne.

The next time I sit on Santa’s lap, I got to ‘demand’ for a time machine to go forward during those times she is staying here. My excuse to Santa is ‘I was a good boy the whole year’.

I wonder if Tina next door has room in her dungeon for me.

( MIL are splendid creatures; kept behind closed doors. Hahahaha....... thank God, I will never be a MIL but a FIL. And all FIL do best is frown their eye brows’ and more frowns’. For us Fil., everyday is a remake of FRIDAY THE 13TH if you do not behave. )