Story Write Compilations Volume I Stories 23

 

For the love of Onions

 

Author's Note:

The food of the Gods and yet someone would not eat it raw or cooked. Think of it like the oyster, then closed your eyes.

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“Oh, for the love of onions; stop wasting them. You have to appreciate it with you. It was a living plant before you brought it here to my dining table. Oh yes, darling, you must sit down next to me. I will tell you more about the onions.

 

Do you know that onions are sacred in the ancient days? The Egyptians buried the onions with the dead. They believed it would breathe the life back to the dead.  They placed it in the eye sockets after they removed the eyes. They stick it in there like the ones you did on the skewer iron. It must hold tight or you will have a mummy with bulging eyes. No, darling. Mummy's mascara does not do the same as the onions. And I am not crying, it's the onions that did it..... No, you cannot use it when you want that Transformer Toy. I know the real tears to the fake ones.

 

Let me tell you more. In ancient Greece during the early Olympian Games, the athletes rubbed these on the bodies to circulate the blood and firm the muscles. They rub it everywhere.....yes, there too under the armpits. No, they don't smell like the deodorant I used. Would you stop interrupting me? I am trying to explain the onions and their uses. And Gary my dear, please stop sitting on the bags of onions? You do not want to compete with J.Lopez for the butt. It won't work for you. I will explain someday when I am not occupied.

 

Yes, darling, I know the word ‘onion’ came from the word ‘single’ Its a single plant or ‘one plant’.  I am sure Aunt Beth can attest to that, as she still enjoyed it in her singular life till today but I doubt it's to do with her choice of life. Uncle  Manny? Yup, I know he spoke of its magical properties to stimulate hair growth with onions rubbed onto the scalp. Guess where Aunt Martha got her Afro hair looks. Yes, darling, that was not a wig. So don't go pulling it like last year..... yes, that was then. But she has grown her hair back now. 

 

Yes, onions can reduce colon cancer and ovarian cancer but it's no miracle food. I know what Aunt Mabel said the last time, but don’t stand to stay too close when she do it this time. The last time you embarrassed me so much with your outburst on her breath. Maybe if you want to ask her again, send her an email. That applies to Uncle Beatty, he may consume them to maintain his hormone levels during his menopause but you cannot tell anyone he is cranky. He's your uncle on your dad's side.

 

And guess what, little folks? Since you have been a good listener. I made my specialty today. Onion soup spliced, diced, and cooked in the clear broth for over six hours on a slow fire flame. You can get to taste the ooze of the real ingredients here......

 

No takers, huh? Well, nobody appreciates real good food nowadays. But please take note of my advice. They only come once a year and so we need to make them feel wanted....... sometimes. God, why can't we select our relatives like the onions in the box? ”