Oh, for the love of Onions

“Oh, for the love of onions; stop wasting them. You have to appreciate it with you. It was a living plant before you brought it here to my dining table. Oh yes darling, you must sit down next to me. I will tell you more of the onions.

Do you know that onions are sacred in the ancient days? The Egyptians buried the onions with the dead. They believed it would breathe the life back to the dead.  They placed it in the eye sockets, after they removed the eyes. They stick it in there like ones you did on the skewer iron. It must hold tight or you will have a mummy with bulginhg eyes. No, darling. Mummy's mascara does not do the same like the onions. And I am not crying, its the onions that did it..... No, you cannot used it when you want that Transformer Toy. I know the real tears to the fake ones.

Let me tell you more. In ancient Greece during the early Olympian Games, the athletes rubbed these on the bodies to circulate the blood and firm the muscles. They rub it everywhere.....yes, there too under the armpits. No, they don't smell like the deodorant I used. Would you stop interrupting me? I am trying to explain the onions and  its uses. And Gary my dear, please stop sitting on the bags of onions? You do not want compete with J.Lopez for the butt. It won't work for you. I will explain some day when I am not occupied.

Yes, darking, I know the word ‘onion’ came from word ‘single’ Its a single plant or ‘one plant’.  I am sure Aunt Beth can attest to that, as she still enjoyed it in her singular life till today but I doubt its to do with her choice of life. Uncler  Manny? Yup, I know he spoke of its magical properties to simulate hair growth with onions rubbed onto the scalp. Guess where Aunt Martha got her Afro hair looks. Yes, darling, that was not a wig. So don't go pulling it like last year..... yes, that was then. But she grown her hair back now. 
Yes, the onions can reduce colon cancer and ovarian cancer but its no miracle food. I know what Aunt Mabel said the last time, but don’t stand stay too close when she do it this time. The last time you embarassed me so much with your outburst on her breath. Maybe if you want to ask her again, send her a email. That applies to Uncle Beatty, he may consumed them to maintain his hormone levels during his menopause but you cannot tell anyone he is cranky. He's your uncle on your dad's side.

And guess what, little folks? Since you have been good listerner. I made my speciality today. Onion soup spliced, diced and cooked in the clear broth for over six hours on a slow fire flame. You can get to taste the ooze of the real ingredients here......

No takers, huh? Well, nobody appreciates the real good food nowadays. But please take note of my advice. They only come once a year and so we need to make them feel wanted....... sometimes. God, why can't we select our relatives like the onions in the box. ”