So the tale begans.....
Untold tales of a Migrant v
My plight ..,
By Jimmy Loong
i
This tale is based loosely on Kubler-Ross Model; Five stages of Grief.
Anger
I never knew why the events has to come when I am attending to many customers in the shop. This time its nothing to do with the afternoon train. Its a telegram from Singapore, and the blinking postman was too impatiencet to go back to his fan cooled office; so he was ringing his bicycle bell incessantly. I served my customer and threw the table cloth over my right shoulder and walked over to the postman.
‘Telegram for Ah Long’, said the local native man, while reading the name off the piece of paper.
‘I am Ah Long. From where the mail?’ I wanted to ask so he can tell me the sender. If its from China, that mean someone died there. But wait, they don;t send telegram to me, they send couriers which arrived three months late. So it must be those Singapore people again. They think its glamorous to send telegram to anyone. Makes them feel important.
And its true. Its from Singapore. As the postman put it; ‘ Oui, I only deliver mail. You want to asked, come to the Post Office and asked the Office Master.’
‘I would but he is drinking tea in my shop now.’ I pointed to the elderly Punjabi man having his tea while fingering his long wavering moustache. He is my regular and comes on the strike of three in the afternoon. The Post Office is only two thousand steps from my shop. But he comes without bringing my telegram. I walked back to the shop and read my telegram.
It said; ‘ see dan at wang tonight 9pm. Kevin ‘.
Curses to him, and his superior. Tonight I am supposed to go back to see my family and he asked me to go see the man in the tea house. I think if words of this go back to my family, I will be one family less by next week. I hate this arrangement, and disruption to my life. They think they give you a piece of paper to act, they owned you for life. I must complained to Kevin when I see him the next time. He can take his piece of paper for the night crew to read.
‘Oui, Towkay. Where is my tea? I been sitting here since yesterday.’ I walked up the customer and replied; ‘if you were sitting since yesterday, today I am seeing is your spirit then. So you are dead like the one which passed by this morning. ‘ The funeral procession passed by my shop very time, as this is the main street. So technically, I know who and who died in town.
But today, my customer and myself have a good laugh. We are old friends and this is our standard joke theme. I told Ah Heng to bring his tea and we all go back to our normal routine, except mine includes some silent grumbling to myself for being involved in the Strait Forces.
Ah Lan refused to speak to me that evening when I told her I am only back for a short while. I promised her I will have my dinner with the family and then need to go back to the shop. She started on her ‘classic’ I do not love her stories and then the ones of me following Ah Heng to the tea house. I had to console her and even showed her my collection of the day; of which she took all. She said in case the Tea House takes it. But I got my permission to go back to the shop at 8pm.
Now riding a bicycle on the night trail through a rubber plantation is not like any rides. You are surrounded by darkness on all sides of you, except the small lit lamp on your bicycle. The lit lamp is a wick in a small container containing kerosene, and there is a deflector sheet on the container side to refect the light to the front. But its not much to see in front, as there are no roads then; its all well trodden paths with some places overlying roots on it.
Or it can be a long snake crossing the path. Its very difficult to ask the snake to observed traffic rules in their own jungle.
Or you meet the King himself; the Tiger who stands in your path with his smile as you are his dinner tonight.
Or you may meet the bandit, who will take your bicycle and whatever you have on.
Or you meet the one which you do not want to see at night. I shall not mentioned the name for now.
But I may meet no one that night, except the road block before I reached the town limits. It was Santokh and his men. We may be friends, but he still searched my bicycle bag for hidden weapons. Next time Santokh, I will ‘hide’ something in your tea.
Sure makes me a very angry man that night, and now I got to attend a meeting. I left my bicycle at the shop and walked to the Tea House. Curses to my friends, I met Ah Heng coming out of the place.
‘Towkay, you also want to come here. Why didn;t you tell me? I would had told Mai Ling to wait for you.’ I can still hear the sniggering as he walk past me. I will handle him later when the shop re-opened tomorrow. He will have loads of orders to fulfil while I relaxed at the cashier counter.
‘Senior Inspector Dannings. Mdm Wang. I am sorry for being late. I had to come from my home.’
‘Sit down, Ah Long. I was briefing Mdm here on our new case. We may need your help’ I liked the way Dannings said it. ‘We may..’ and I am send a telegram to come now. That is not ‘we may’ but ‘we want’ message. I smiled my usual looks as I feel my facial muscles strained from one look to the other.
‘Please have a cup of tea, Ah Long.’ I looked at the cup of tea being served to me. The color of the tea looks weak and there is too much sugar. I took a sip and confirmed my suspicions. I wanted to reply but Mdm did it for me; ’ its not as good as yours, But we try. Please accept our tea. ‘
I can only smiled and drink the sub-standard tea.
‘Shall we begin?’ said Dannings. And it was all about the threat to a person by someone who wants to take down this person. So it looks like a Strait Forces just need to do is add more personnels to protect the person but they said they can’t, as that will deter or defer the possible act. I was upset that they dragged me here to listen to this and I am not one to protect anyone, unless its my own family. I must explain to Kevin the next time we meet; I am a coffeeshop owner, not a bodyguard agency.
‘So who is the target?’ I was getting irritated by the progress of the meeting.
‘Its you, Ah Long’, said Dannings. ‘You are the one we are supposed to protect.’
Now I am very angry.
Denial
‘You all crazy. I am loved by many and I have so many friends. Even my customer loved me. I tell you no one wants to kill me. I served them everyday. I got Towkay Keong; he is the warlord of the Red Gang drinking in my shop. I got Ibrahim; he is the local boss in the kampung ( local village ) and he also drink at my shop. I got Maniam; just came back from prison for something I do not care. He has been drinking at my shop since he was a kid and now back again. He is married and even invited to his wedding. I got so many ‘taiko’ ( crime warlords ) in my shop. Who wants to kill me? I no harm them, they no harm me. We all drink tea everyday.’ I looked at this mad english man who tells me this crazy story.
‘Its not them, Ah Long. Its Martin, from the Leonare case. Do you recall the ‘vampire case’ ( Untold Migrant Tales II )? He was send to prison, and he escaped last week. When he was in prison, he keep on saying if not for you, he would had killed Joseph. He hates you for stopping him in his works. He wants to kill you. He said so in the prison cell. He wrote on the wall; Don’t point your finger at someone else and try to pass the blame! My complaint, Towkay, is with you.’
‘He took the words from Hosea 4:4 and put your name on it. He blames you for not able to carry out his work here. And he is last seen boarding a train to here’, continue the Senior Inspector.
‘You make this up. I was just helping Joseph. I ran when these men attacked me.’ I denied my involvement in the case. I only assisted Joseph to confirmed his suspicions.
No, Towkay. He is looking for you and we are going to protect you.’
I laughed at the reply from the Chief Inspector. ‘you protect me like when? Twice I blew the whistle, and nothing happened. I blew it at the Martin’s case, and also at the Chan’s case ( Untold Migrant Tales IV ) and all of you came when I was already half dead. I am sorry, Chief Inspector Danning. Your protection is only good for my washing basin; washed and throw away after that. I don;t believe you and if Martin comes for me, I will take care of him myself.’
‘But what about family?’
‘Leave my family out. If anyone of you comes near them, I will kill them myself.’
I left the place angry at myself and then I decided that its all a ruse for me to commit myself to the Strait Forces. I am sure Martin could be working for them too. They have all this ways to make you work for them.
Like I did.
I must see Joseph and tell him about this. But when I reached his office, they told me he is in Penang for some work. As I was walking back to my shop, I bumped into Kenneth, son of Timothy partner of Martin. But Kenneth does not recongnise me, so we just pass by each other. I don;t remember seeing Kenneth for a long time since the death of Leonare. He was involved somehow but I cannot remember. I need to get the files from the Station, but I am not keen. As I am not the person Martin is looking for. I am stupid like that. If I believe it more, I may end up believing in it.
I am going back to the shop and sleep.
But sleep did not come. I was soon awake and reached for the small box hidden under the cupboard. Inside it was my dagger which I used before. Its been sometime since I carried it. It was a gift from my father for personal security, and easily concealed. He also send me to for classes on how to fight with a dagger. My father said if I am going to use it, I might as well learned it well and proper. I used it once ( Untold Migrant Tales III ) and which is why I hid it. But now I am looking at it.
No, I won’t need it. Martin is not after me. Its only a wrong assumption.
Bargaining
The next day, I was with my usual customers and serving them as I used to do daily. Then I saw this man coming in to the shop. He sat by the table near the far corner. I walked up to him and asked him for his order.
‘A cup of tea pls.’
So I served him and when on with my other customers. It was later I noticed the man is missing. I walked up to the table and saw his cup of tea untouched, and there was some money there on the table. Next to it was a note. I picked up the note and its was written in english the words; ‘ I am back. M.’
I dropped the note and almost my shorts if not for the belt I had on.I looked around the shop and could not see the man who was sitting here just now. I should had looked at his face , but as usual I was looking at the other tables when taking his order. I do that sometimes to see new customers or customers who needs to order more things. I excused myself and ran to the Station.
‘Chief Inspector, he was in my shop. Here is the note to prove it. Martin is back.’ I looked at the Chief Inspector who asked me to take a seat and signal his man to get me a glass of water. He then asked me a lot of questions and I had no answer to his questions. So he told me, I would be send to the safe place at the Rest House with a guard outside my room. There I will rest while they hunt Martin down.
‘No, I will go back and rest. I will be in my home with my family. Please send me back with your men but I don’t need them there. So let me be by my family. We can protect ourselves. And can I have a gun?’
‘We can’t give you one without approval. But I will do this. Take this old one of mine. And I will give you one bullet. Its all you need to shoot anyone who attacks you. But I will have one man to guard you near your house. We will catch Martin before he gets you.’
So it was agreed, and I was send to my house with the gun in my bag. And the constable was assigned to me stayed at the relative’s house for an extended holiday. The moment I reached home, I told my wife I am not feeling well. I met a tiger on the way back to the shop and it chased me to the town. But I am still suffering from fright, so I am here to rest now. Well, at least for a few days.’ That afternoon when I stepped out the house, I saw the constable in his traditional clothes sleeping on the porch of his uncle’s house. He is very relaxed unlike me. I have my gun in the bag but I am not carrying it around me at home.
It was then I saw the old man walking by the house with his walking stick. He is a english man and he is old, and looked toothless. I knew as he smile at me and raised his cane to say hello. I waved back and smiled at him. I have not seen him before and to me, all english man more or less looks the same. He does look like Martin but then I am not sure. Martin has been gone for almost a year and I hardly met him when he was in town. I got up to followed the man but he went missing round the corner.
Am I seeing a ghost or am I dreaming of Martin now?
Then it was when I heard my wife shouted my name. I ran into the house straight into the bedroom we shared most times when I am around. She was pointing at the bag which I brought home with. I rushed up to her and held her in my arms.
‘Why is there a gun in your bag?’
‘Gun? Oh, that one. Its a fake. I bought that to scare the tiger if I see it again. See even you got scared by it.’ We both laughed and then she was calm again. When she left the room, I took the gun out and put it in the box I found and hid it under the bed. All this time, my hands were shaking with fright.
I walked out the house to get some fresh air, and I see my ‘guard’ still sleeping there. Then I saw the old man walking nearby by the edge of the treelines. I ran over to catch hold of him, but he was missing again. Then I saw him going into the orchard near our house, and I proceeded to there.
Inside the orchard are rows of fruit trees and a small shed. I walked to the shed and slowly opened the door. I could inside the shed was the gardening tools and some bags of manure. It was then I felt someone tapping my shoulder. I turned to look and saw the english man with a pair shearers in his hand. This is not your pruning shearers; these ones are big one for hedges and low trees.
‘You need something?’ he asked.
‘Oh! Please don’t kill me. I did not plan to stop you. I was there to assist Joseph.’ As I was pleading for my life, I was looking for anything I can use to fight this mad man. But there was nothing.
‘Killed you? Nay, I am just here to prune the leaves. My name is Melvin Kinnoy. I just got in on the train last night. I am staying with my son, Bren Kinnoy.’ I knew Bren Kinnoy; he is the plantation master. It was then I remembered seeing him at my shop. He was the one who order the tea and did not drink it. He left in a hurry as I could recalled now seeing him rushed off. A boy pass him a note before he left.
‘You told your son you are here?’
‘Yep, he was in town to wait for me but I took a ride with some nice man. I wrote him a note saying I am at home. I know he takes a drink at the coffeeshop every late morning. So I got a boy to give it to him. He just came back at lunch. You the one who I met after lunch just now. So how do you do?’
‘Very fine now. Thank you.’ I sure did not bargain for this coincidence.
Depression
I feel bad to be on my ‘vacation’ here while Ah Heng toils at the shop. I should be there for him, but the word is Martin is seen but not caught yet. I dread stting in this house doing nothing. I wanted to help around, but everyone has their chores and all I got is long hours of boredom. I wished I could sleep like my ‘guard’ but he must had mastered it at the Station or he did not sleep while on duty at town.
I walked around the place and said hello to everyone and anyone, and even the dogs, but no one stopped to speak to me. They are all so busy so are the dogs. I went to the orchard thinking I can get some fruits but I was chased by the dogs; now I know why they are busy.
I went to the smoke house to helped the ladies with the rubber processing, and they kicked me out. Or my wife did as she did not want me talking to other ladies.
So I joined the men at the small wooden shop where they served tea and coffee. I ordered coffee and left my cup untouched most times, but I do get to speak to the men. Or more of I tell them stories of the town and they all listened. I stopped going over when one of them replied; ‘life here is more interesting than at town’.
Even my children does not speak much to me. They are busy with their school works or chores. My wife told me to sleep outside the room as we have enough children to feed now.
So I ended up feeding the chickens and ducks after they been fed by the kids. You could say I induce them. Actually I would like to force feed them so they can be slaughter much earlier. At least I know how to roast a chicken well.
Well, sometimes I am chopping up woods and then the shed was too small to stored anymore.
And it was on the fifth day of my stay, I got the news.
Martin has been found; dead by gunshots to the chest.
And I went back to town.
Acceptance
‘What happened, Chief Inspector?’ I stood there at the morgue to see the man who was planning to kill me, but instead died in a place far from my house.
‘We had Martin followed for a few days. He went to Leonare’s grave yesterday. Unfortunately, Kenneth was there for his own reason. Martin came out to confront Kenneth, and they both had an arguement and he then attacked Kenneth. When we saw the fight, we came in to stop it. But Martin pulled a dagger to stab Kenneth so we shot him. But Martin got up again and tried to attack me too. My men shot him more than once this time. But Kenneth is safe. And so are you. We got our man.’
‘Why did he attacked Kenneth? And why go to the grave of Leonare?’
‘Yesterday was the anniversary of Leonare’s death. But we do not know why he attacked Kenneth or why Kenneth went there to see Leonare’s grave. Kenneth won’t say. But now you are safe. That was our mission and we carrried it out. Sure feels good to know that the Strait Forces do take care of their people, huh? ’
I have no reply to his last statement. I am only glad I am alive and the man lying there is finally dead. The man who caused me so much grief and anxiety. The man who could had harmed my family by killing me. This man deserved to die. I accepted that verdict.
I also accepted my services to the Strait Forces. I am needed to make this place safer, and the Strait Forces need me to do it.
Then I remembered the gun at home.
I rode the bicycle like a mad man. I am sure if the Tiger sees me, he will let me go first. I reached the house and heard the large bang sound. I literaly froze at the door steps to my house. I can see from the corner of my eyes, the sleeping guard of mine running out of the house. I shook off my fear and walked in.
I opened the door to my bedroom and saw my wife on the bed. She opened her eyes and said; ‘huh, not again? ‘
I rushed in and reached for the box under the bed. I took it out and opened the box. Inside was my gun still intact. I was relieved. I took the gun out and handed it to the constable.
‘Please give it back to the Chief Inspector. I have no need of it.’ He did and I went back to the house. When I was walking back, I heard the loud bang again, it was the old car’s exhaust of Bren Kinnoy.
I saw my wife still sitting on the bed in our bedroom.
‘Can you make up your mind? I got things to do’, she said.
And don’t we all in our life.
I will be back to handle the next case in town after I completed my stay at home with my wife. After all when we agreed to be married, we accepted the fact that we needed each other sometime, alone from others.
And damn cockerel; why can;t they shut up this morning?
Eplilogue
No one will know the reason for the arguement. I told Martin I love her despite what my father denied me of her. I felt angry of his involvement in my love affair, but he is my father. I pleaded him to re-consider and even offered to let go of my wild days. But he told me he would not have the woman in the house. I drank my sorrows away, but I was strong in front of him. I told him I rejected my old thoughts; I rejected the woman. I will be his acceptable son forever.
And that was what I told Martin that day. It was my last visit to Leonare’s grave. But Martin could not accept it, so he attacked me. If not for the Strait Forces, I may had died that day. I am sorry, Leonare; I cannot grief for you anymore as I accepted the fact I do not love you anymore.
Goodbye.
Extract from wikipedia
Kübler-Ross added that it's important to note that these stages are not meant to be complete or chronological. Not everyone who experiences a life-threatening or life-changing event feels all five of the responses nor will everyone who does experience them do so in the order that is written. Reactions to illness, death, and loss are as unique as the person experiencing them.
Not everyone goes through all of the steps or goes through them in a linear fashion. Some steps may be missed entirely, others may be experienced in a different order, some may be re-experienced again and again and some may get stuck in one.
The stages, popularly known by the acronym DABDA, include:[2]
- Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of possessions and individuals that will be left behind after death. - Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. - Bargaining — "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just do something to buy more time..." - Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon so whats the point... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed. - Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, the individual begins to come to terms with her/his mortality or that of a loved one.
1 comment:
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