Lancelot Part 15

The fault is mine

The wedding of Sir Lancelot and Lady Elaine was held in Castle Joyous and true to its namesake, the wedding feast was one of worthy of its name. All the invited came with their gifts except one which could not join as her Lord explained her condition.

"Queen Guinevere is not in her best and asked to be excused." King Arthur made known her condition, but he did not wait for any reply or wishes for her betterment. He was already stepping into the Hall to join his merry knights and sharing their tales.

Lancelot hide his disappointment at the King's attitude, but was relief that his Queen would be here. He felt bad as it is that he had taken advantage of Lady Elaine of her virtue and more so, may had betray his true feelings to her. She stopped him from telling as she told him of her condition which made him all the more regrettable. She is with his child as claimed by her. He remembered not much of that night, but he had dreamed he was with the Queen and not a young lady who had sacrificed her virtue to him. She offered to bring up the child without him carrying out his responsibility, but he feared her father, King Fisher may not approve of it. If there is a challenge to him, he knows he may win and that would just deepen his guilt to the issue.

"My Lord, may we take our place at the table so that our guests can start on the feast?" Lancelot heard his lady's request. He is still unsure of how to address his new bride, yet he has a hall of guests to played host to them. He nodded to his Lady and called on the feast to begin.

"Sir Lancelot, you sure know how to host a grand feast? I must come more often here to spent nights here." Arthur praised his knight but Lancelot knows his true intention. He is mocking Lancelot on those rumors that his Queen spends more time here with Lancelot.

"My King, there is no greater feast than that held in Camelot. Mine, paled in comparison and more so even with my gracious Lady as co-host, we cannot matched even the grandeur host of yourself and our Queen. Your presence here lent us the extra grandeur which only you can project to this simple feast." Lancelot raised his goblet to the King. Arthur wanted to reply, but the knights around him had raised a toast to him as their King. An honor he was bound to accept and would let the exchange of words to be discussed anther day.

Unknown to both men, there was one who felt that the feast had turn sour. It was Merlin, who earlier taught that with Lancelot wedded, he would drop the interest on the Queen, but he now feels that the rivalry would be more intense. He looked at Lady Elaine, and can see that she is clearly upset at the men too. She should be the Queen today, in her own castle, yet she has been discarded to the level of lady in waiting. She is telling herself to be the Queen that Lancelot, she must be more like Guinevere. Of this she had asked the one lady who know her well; Lady Morgana, and she would do her best to emulate the desire of her Lord. She was to put her lesson to test tonight.

"My lady, I would spend my night in the next chamber. You may rest well here." Lancelot excused himself when they had complete the feast and retired to the personal chamber. Lady Elaine was all ready to serve her lover, but now he had declined her on their wedding night. He had expressed his concern on her condition with the young one in the womb, may be jeopardize if he should sleep with her. Earlier, her healer had told her to take more rest as her frail body needs to be preserved.

"My Lord, its our first night, and it would....." Lady Elaine tried to convince her Lord of his departure may be of gossip.

Lancelot sighed as he relent to her wishes. If not that he fears the gossip, but he just can't bring himself to be with her, when his heart lies not here. Prior to this day, he has been per functionary in his manners and approach, even he did not offer to share her his bedding. There was once he asked if she was beautiful compared to the Queen, but he declined to comment directly. His reply was as bland as his love for her.

"Each lady has their beauty and none can be compared as each have their own beauty."

Lady Elaine was not amused but she had to obliged to her Lord. She accepted his reply with a smile.

During the night, Elaine feeling amorous tried to entice her Lord, but he keep on feigning that he is tired and does not want to hurt her. She told him that she may be frail in her body, but the baby is well protected by their love; so nothing would hurt it inside of her. She was ever forceful, that even Lancelot finally give up.

"My ...love, perhaps we still can consummate our night. Please follow my lead." Lancelot told his lady. He recalled the scene at the stable when he was there with Guinevere, but he did not mount like a mare. He mounted in similar manner but on their sides, with no weight on either person. It also made the act more bearable; Lancelot did not had to see her face but he can imagine it was Guinevere who was the mare he was mounting.

Lancelot did not see the tears in her eyes. If he had, he would know its his fault that she is crying. It was not only Lancelot who was having woes with his love, but he had the excuse that she is with his child. He left her at the castle while he travels to Camelot to continue his services. His mind tells that he should be with her but his heart is not there but at Camelot. There was one other who he fears would harm Guinevere. He is the knight Meleagant, who sits at the round table and yet he served only his own needs; the desire to own Guinevere.

Meleagant had heard of the rumors of the Queen and him, but there was no substance to those rumors. It was Lancelot who witnessed the incident which was started by a drunken man who spoke out of his mind. It was Sir Lamorak who had one too many of the wine spied Lady Morgana walking back to her chamber. Sir Lamorak had been one without a love as he finds no one could matched his expectations. He did once considered courting Lady Morgana, but he fears that he cannot hold the position as relation directly to the King. He does not want his seat to be considered as given to him on the blood ties to the King but on his fighting skills. 

"Lamorak, why ail your sight? Just tell her you would like to be with her. She is a beautiful one; more so than even the Queen." Sir Gawain; one of the knights on the table speak out to taunt the other.

"Who dares to compared my Queen to another?" Meleagant spoke up in defiant. "She is the most beautiful and fairest of them all. You are all fools."

"Sir Percival, I agree with you. The Queen is no more in contention now but Lady Morgana still is available." Lamorak laughed at that. He did not see the wine that was thrown at his face until it was too late.

"Fools! How can you compare the Queen to anyone? She is above them all. Yet you called yourself her knights." Meleagant cursed at them and then he got up to walked away. Lamorak took offense to his action, threw his goblet at Meleagant.

"Face me, you bastard." Lamorak shouted at Meleagant. Meleagant turned around and drew his sword but it was Sir Bleoberis who stop the draw. Sir Bleoberis stepped up between the two and pacified them not to fight. All this while Lancelot sat there to watched the two argue but he did nothing to intervened. He heard all the accusations among those there, trying to blame everyone but themselves.

It like its never my fault but all yours. For today, he felt the same, he stood up and walked away to the open yard outside. He saw the Queen at her garden and he walked over.

"My Queen, how fare you?" The Queen looked up and she smiled.

"I am fine, Sir Lancelot. What is going in there?" The Queen asked of him, and he replied they are having childish game. He asked of the king, and she told he is asleep in his chamber. In actual fact, she does not know where he is as she had not seen him since last night. It has been like this since Lancelot's wedding which she did not attend. She remembered it well that day when they argued on the wedding.

"I do not want to go. He is marrying her and not marrying me...." She does not know why she spoke it ou to so bluntly but his slap across her face woke her up. She forgot then she was talking to her lover, and not her family. She regretted her words, but more so she was also upset at being slapped by him. That night he did not come to back to her chamber and had not been since.

Lancelot peeked at her picking at the flowers. It was the daffodils bed, and she had tended it well. He walked around to her and looked at her closer. It was then he noticed that her eyes were puffy, and that indicate she was crying. He wanted to asked but he reckon discretion was better. He offered to take her riding and she accepted it immediately. She just dropped the tools she was holding and went off to the stables. She took on her horse and mount it like a man in her gown. She ignored the stares and rode off first. Lancelot followed her closely but not over taking her. She rode for a while as it was late afternoon and then she led him to a nearby clearing in the woods.

"Arthur took me here on our first ride. He asked me if I am comfortable with the coming wedding. I told him yes and I am wondering why did I agreed then. Maybe it was for the fun of it. Or maybe it was I wanted to laid by a man then. I was a virgin then. I had not even seen a man naked then. I was a freaking lady who wanted to say I done it. I am a wreck now." Guinevere went down on her knees and cried her frustrations off. She just sob and shook her head.

Lancelot wanted to hold her but he kept on holding back. Then he let off a deep breathe and walked over to her. He kneel down next to her and hold her in his arms. They looked like a couple in prayers and he let her cry out on his shoulder. It lasted some time before she pushed him away,

"Thank you, Lancelot....but it not proper." Guinevere stood up and walked back to her horse. Again she rode off without him and this time he did not followed. He was actually in pain to be left there and he wanted to be alone.

"It not your fault. my Queen." He said to himself. "Its his. Always his. "

Guinevere reached the castle safely and Lancelot was in the nearby tavern for a long night. It was during his lonely sojourn he was enticed by the waitress. He took her offer to the room above. Her name is Wendy and she is on the heavy side, but who cares when they are drunk.

On the way up, Lancelot could not helped himself as he slapped at her heavy bottom. She just jest on his slaps, and soon when they were in the room; she just came onto him. He pushed her off and on his irritation, he slapped her to deter her amorous advances. She smiled and came on for more. He slapped her more and she seem to take it in its strides.

"Why are you enjoying that? Are you not hurt by it?" Lancelot asked her. Wendy laughed at him, as she walked towards the bedding. She pulled off her frock and he saw the marks on her back. There are lashes welt marks on her back.

"Honey, I seen your kind all before." Wendy sat down on the bedding and pulled off her hose. "They come in here angry or frustrated; they took it on me. I took it all; lashes, whipping, or even the rear mount as long as they pay me well for my effort."

"You have the coins?" Wendy smiled at him as she fondled her teats. "They are worth their weight in coins."

Lancelot ran away from the room while Wendy went hollering mad at him. He did not stop until he was back at his own castle. He did not dare to faced Elaine tonight so he went over to Bran' room. He did not bother to knock as he just walked in. There was Bran lying on the flooring without his clothes on him but that was not all. His back seen by Lancelot was bloodied and there is the lash nearby. Bran woke up on seeing Lancelot and he picked up the tunic nearby.

"I must had fell asleep." Bran tried to clean up his chamber, but Lancelot stopped him. "Let me clean it."

"No!" Lancelot told him. "Stand before me."

Bran was made to speak of what happened while Lancelot held the lash in his hand. When Bran had told him of his new affliction, Lancelot looked at Bran.

"Does this work?" he asked Bran. Bran nodded to him. Lancelot stood up and stripped of his clothes. He laid on the bedding on his front. "Do it."

Bran did as he was told. He laid the lashes on his Sire' initially weak and then he got it up to speed when he thought of the things that his Sire did on him. He laid it on hard by then, and only stopped when he saw the blood. He dropped the lash and went over to administer his wounds. Lancelot pushed away at Bran, and got up himself.

"Keep this to yourself." Lancelot told him. "You are not at fault here."

Unknown to many, there was one other person who was with conscience in the mind. Meleagant tossed on his bedding which he had slept alone for sometime. He remembered that day fifteen years ago, when at the tender age of twelve, you do not run into the Hall. More so, when your father is in discussion then.

"Meleagant, how rude of you to run in here." King Urien, his father gave him a hard stare. "Since you are here, then you may stay as this involves you."

King Urien is a tall man with wide shoulder which his son would one day inherit. King Urien stroked his beard as he point to the other man in the Hall.

"That is Lord Leo whom I had earlier arranged a pact between us. A pact which includes your union with his daughter, Guinevere but now he is rescinding all of that because there is a new ally which he deem worthy." Meleagant remember the girl named Guinevere who he had seen a few times. He used to play with her in the garden.

"Son, your union is over. Do you understand?" King Urien threw his rage at his son. "You are the weakling here. Even your future relations viewed you as one."

Meleagant did not stay for any abuse as he ran to the garden. He kicked at the flower beds and then he darted to the stables. He saw the pony that once he said to Guinevere that he would give her as a present. He would care for it now, and later give it to her, But now that is all wasted. She is not going to be his friend anymore. He remembered killing the pony that day. He killed it with a long wooden staff until his body was all covered in blood. The next day, he regretted his action. If Guinevere comes here, he would not be able to show her the pony anymore.

Its his fault to destroy the link to her.

Guinevere stood there by herself as she watched Arthur rode off to his battles again. He is accompanied by some of his knights. The King likes to be accompanied; guess its feeds his ego knowing him he is a leader. She saw the other rider going off to the other direction. That would be Lancelot on his way back to his castle as usual. He''s been avoiding her whenever Arthur leaves.

She hates it but she knows that she cannot avoid her feelings. She loved him, and she knows he love her. He won't love her as she belongs to another. One with an ego that made him King, so she put the fault on herself. If only she had not rush to wed this man, she may had married one other. Maybe even Meleagant, if there was an opportunity. An opportunity which may also exclude her ever meeting Lancelot and not this pain in her.

"Its my fault." Guinevere admits to herself. "Its all my fault."