D&C 20; Tell Jenny I loved her

Tell Jenny I loved her

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura I may be late
I've something to do, that cannot wait

I married Jenny when she was nineteen, fresh from High School, and me with my rookie badge. Three weeks later, I was hospitalized when a bullet grazed me. The doctor insisted that I stayed back for observation. I told the nurse to called Jenny at the cafe where she was working part time. She rushed over and insisted to stay with me. We spoke through the night. One thing we covered on was my rookie pay ‘was it able to covered us when we have a family’.

The answer was no.

So Jenny decided she would moved herself up the rank; she was going to night classes to get a diploma. The only school we could afford then was the one at the seedier side of the town. It was fine when she goes there in the late afternoon, but when she leaves, I always made an effort to come over, be it in the patrol car or on off days, in my jeans and badge in my pocket. One evening, she told me her class spoke of her gallant knight in the black and white. We laughed. She survived the school but it was tough.

Tougher when you are young and married.

Toughest when you sit at the park across the school and watched the world go by. It was then I saw my first own personal murder case. The guy was knifed in front of the school with the stabber grabbing the bag before fleeing. I was unarmed and in jeans, and more to it, I was frozen by the scene. While people were all clamoring to help, I sat there on the bench watching. I never even gave the officers that arrived later, any statement. I was dumb shocked by it. All I cared about was my 'Laura'.

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura I may be late
I've something to do, that cannot wait

Jenny soon stepped out and ran over to see me. She saw me looking pale and sat down next to me. She soothed my hands and kissed me on the cheeks. All I did then was re-enact the scene many times but each time, I was the one running; not towards the victim but at the stabber. I was to overpowered him and later hailed as a hero.

But it was all a fantasy where the reality was different. All I could do then was sit there. Twenty over years later, I was faced with the same issue. My Jenny was in the school where she teaches, and she was held hostage with five other kids. The guy holding them hostage was a homicidal convict who had escaped the laws twice and was cornered in there. On my way to the crime scene, I had these words played in my mind.

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura I may be late
I've arrived and please wait for me

"Jimmy, we have the situation under control." Frank pulled at me to hold me. I was to rushed in with my gun but Frank had me stopped. "Please don't do this to us."

I saw Dan who had completed bagging the dead janitor and teacher, who was caught in the initial attack. The attacker had spared the children but he shots at others. Dan came over and took me to the nearby patrol car.

"I may have something to calm you." Dan was to inject me but I stopped him.

"Dan, its Jenny. She's inside. I need to get to her." But Dan was firm on me staying there.

"Let Frank do his job. He knows how to handle it well." Dan looked to the school. "She would be fine."

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die

I saw the Commissioner coming towards me. I got up to meet him, but he told me to sit down. Frank joined us and briefed the Commissioner.

"Single gunman. She is holding the five kids hostage..." I heard Frank. I interjected in.

"Her? I thought you said there was a male gunman." I looked to the Commissioner. Then I saw the expression. "No, it can't be. She ..."

Dan had then jabbed me with the needle. The bastard was a back stabber.

"It may calmed him down." Dan made me sit down. I was able to move but my thoughts then were incoherent in my mind. I heard Frank briefing.

It can't be. I do not believe Jenny would do such a thing. She won't betrayed me. How can they say she was doing it. I have to see her. I pushed my body up but Dan pushed me back.

"Sit down. We are trying to talk to Jenny now." I saw the Commissioner talking to her on the phone. I could not make out the words. It was the same then twenty over years ago. Jenny was talking to me. She was telling me things but I could not make it out. I was frozen on the bench like then and again on that day.

"Jenny wants to talk to you." It was the Commissioner. He passed me the head set. I placed it on my head. I heard her voice.

Tell Jimmy I love him

Tell Jimmy I love him
Tell Jimmy not to cry
My love for her will never die

I wanted to reply but I could not find the words. Then I heard the shouts.

"She's coming out." They were hollering that my Jenny was stepping out.

"Don't shoot!" Frank was heard shouting. Yes, Frank won't shoot Jenny. He likes her too. Then I heard the gunshots and more was heard.

"No!" I shouted. I struggled to get up but Dan held me back. Later I think it was Frank who held me down while Dan went to checked on Jenny. Next thing I remembered was these words.

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura I may be late
I've something to do, that cannot wait

I remembered those words. She asked me to do my medical test, It was long overdue for a year then. I had delayed it and she gave me an ultimatum.

"Jimmy, do it or I would had the doctor over." I did as she asked. I told the doctor to send the report to me at the Precinct. He got the report and send it over to the house.

She read it.

She called me.

She called me names. I was dumb frozen on my seat. I wanted to say something. Sorry, or was it I did not know. Who cares when she knew it then. She threw the phone down. I was to find her when the Commissioner told he wanted me on a homicide downtown. Someone was stabbed dead on the street.

I knew then I had to move and be there. I cannot let my personal fears overcome my work again.

But Jenny was not work. She was my wife. My love.

Tell Jenny I love her
Tell Jenny I need her
Tell Jenny I may be late
I've something to do, that cannot wait

Jenny did not wait for me. She took her own life with the shootout. She wanted them to kill her as I had killed her love. I was with HIV. She knew from the report. She had the report with her when they shot her. She died holding onto that report.

But why? She could had asked me.

No, she did, but I had to tell her I was busy. Just like that night, I told I was busy at something when the man got stabbed. I would had helped but I was pre-occupied. She knew then I was lying. She always knew it when I was lying.

But Jenny, I was trying to tell you the truth. Why didn't you wait for me?

Now in the chapel where Jimmy prays
For her poor Jenny who passed away
It was just for Jimmy she lived and died
Alone in the chapel he hoped she can hear him cry

Footnote:

The chorus lines were adapted from the song Tell Laura I love her.