“I am disappointed with you.”
Those words impacted on my mind like an unresolved equation. I am a genius in
solving the complex equation of events to the benefit of mankind. It may be the
most baffling situations or the stupendous to sought the answer, I have solved
them but not the one pertinent question of my own. It who am I in this
dimension? I disregarded the universe for it’s a metaphor of the learning that
we are one of many in the wide universe.
Or are we in the universe or is
the universe in us? That was why I asked my own question questioning my own
existence.
My name is Jimmy Loong, I am
different from the others. I was born from the contribution of my parents which
by identification formed my form and yet I was given an uncanny form to exist in
the dimension. Soon after I was birthed, I was diagnosed with deformities. I
was an invalid; born of disabled anatomies in my limbs and unmatched limited
perfunctory senses yet I held a beating heart and a wonderful mind. My parents
were advised against adopting me and forego my existence but I was of theirs;
splices of their genes. And whatever that happened aftermath was never
answered.
However, I was accepted by them
and lived an existence of the perception of everything offered in the
dimension. Most things inside me won’t work but my mind inflamed my desire to
do something. I learned to learn and soon I was communicating my lessons. Soon
I was interpreting the myriad of life equations and surprised the learners.
“What do I expect when all that I
expected was not there? I have done what the others had expected but why single
me out?”
I was never given education but
the expanse of knowledge was soon seen by me. I used the term ‘seen’ for I have
the visions before me. I could decipher complicated equations and even
addressed the complexities of believers. I drew the line on beliefs of the
faith for I held none. I began to
address the visions and translated my knowledge by use of the mode of other
working sense called the voice.
“I did not single you out. I made
you of myself and given the visions.”
Laughable were my initial
responses but what can an invalid do? Walked off the podium? On my first
presentations, my handler left me on the podium to be ridiculed. I prevailed
and left them to stump by my replies. The skeptics soon became the admirers and
then the disciples towards me. Funny, how I thought of them as disciples and
not students. I guessed the term disciples made them more consenting to my
ramblings. I do however ramble on some unrelated visions to lay the misleading
trails. Unfortunately, even senseless ramblings are leads to conclusive
findings, not by me at times but reinforced accolades attributed it back to me.
“Your gift of visions was
troubling me. I am not….”
Funny how we yearned for the
gifts of life, and yet when done, we disclaimed it when the milk turns sour. I
disliked my gifts for I was an invalid; a solid frame with no motoring skills
or bluntly placed it bluntly, I was useless except the mind. I worked on that;
I had not many options, and soon excelled. The fun and the tribulations soon
waned off and I was alone as he miserable bastard.
“You are not a bastard. You are
…a part of me.”
A part that I have not wanted. Ironic that
revelation came to me after I had the mark of the Master. Or God. I had
questioned the existence of God like the many but I had no vision of ….. it.
“Your question of me is
expected.”
Yes, I had questioned if God was
watching me then why made me in that form. Why can’t I function like the others
and still have the mind?
Why me in the selection?
“Step forth, the part of me.
Leave the man behind. Its time for us to merge and be one once more.”
I felt my limbs moved. I could
feel my senses and my mind reeled with delight. I stared at my toes and
fingers. It was an awareness that I could feel them.
“Well, are you coming?”
I looked at the vision of my
mind. I took the step back. I was not ready. I am still needed in my dimension.
Not as an extension of God but as a Man.
“The lambs need its shepherd but
above all, it needed the pasture to feed on. I am that pasture.“
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