D&C 2.13: Freez, you scuzz bag

Freeze, you scuzz bag

Fouls words are used in our vocal expression, with vocabulary splitting between the character F and U more often. You hear us all on the streets, schools, and even the kitchen if we are in rage when the TV dinner get burned. Its the next second worst virus to be hit with; the first virus was the urge to kill. I was responding to the call that morning and reached there after I had bumped someone's fender. I waved my badge and cited emergency but he was adamant to sue me for the damages. I lashed out at him with the first word I could uttered.

"F**K your claims." I was just practicing my rights. I drove off without listening to his ranting.

Was I f*****d when I reached the crime scene. A speech improvisation; the Commissioner was there. I walked up to him and smiled.

"Why are you smiling?" Boy, he was in a bad mood. "I got here before you did. So tell me what do you do when they called you?"

"I speed down here. I crashed the car into a fender. I cursed the driver. He would sued us. I rushed here after that. Then you f*****d me on being late." I spoke it all out in one long sentence.

"So why are you standing there. Get to work." The Commissioner replied. He walked away, and then turned to look back at me.

"If there is a suit, we would protect you. Now solved the f**king homicide." I heard hi loud and clear. I walked to the body and looked at it. It was....

"Male. Caucasian. 6 footer and, thirty six and not married." I loved the officers who were thorough. He smiled and produced the wallet. "I found it on him."

"Okay, Sherlock. Tell me what was his name." I felt really in the f*****d mood then.

"Oh, that part. Sean Patrick Benning." The uniformed updated me. "I be f****d! He was my from hometown."

"Hey, I knew that name. He was my ex-classmate from elementary. He was a nerd. I ll be f*****d." The uniformed officer continued. At that moment I was felt f*****g bad. I wanted to sing the MJ song; I am BAD.....

I ignored the officer and looked at dead body. Dan was there and was fuming.

"Where is my f*****g van? Why can't he drive properly?" Dan threw off his gloves. He then wiped the sweat from his forehead. I knew of Dan' apprentice cum driver; new to the job and fearful of his boss. I saw the man walking towards us.

"I am sorry, Doctor. The traffic was f*****g tight." But the apprentice was zipped by his boss.

"Micheal, I don't care if you are a f*****g idiot, but ever get late again, I would had you missing your f*****g career then. Now bagged the body."

Boy was Dan f*****g mad. I drove Dan back to his morgue. He was cursing and swearing. I won't reprint the words here. But later after his handling of the body, Dan was more approachable.

"He was stabbed; twice in the chest and once in the left forearm." Dan updated me as he picked out the liver. "Bad diet. His liver almost gone overhauled."

"So what f*****g killed him? The diet or the stab wounds?" I was f*****g mad.

"His chest stab wounds pierced his heart. They were quite close to each other." Dan replied. "What's wrong with you? Jenny did not ..."

I stopped him there. I drew the line on Jenny. I went back to my section. I ran checks on the victim. Sean was a clean record person like most victims, but he had a long list of credit card transactions for sex sites; mostly gays ones. So he was one I assumed then. I called Dan and asked him to check that assumption.

"You mean you want me to check his anus. You are f*****g sick." Dan replied. I wanted to explained but I got p*****d off then. I went to Di Angelo.

"So I heard you got f*****d today." Di Angelo gets his updates faster than the networks. "Wow, all the way from Montana too."

That was news to me. Di Angelo told me that patrolmen were here earlier. They been updating Di Angelo; their local f*****g network for Police News. I thought I added in the cream to the coffee.

"Do you think who wants to kill the man?" I threw in the bait and hook. "He was gay."

"Oh, that news. I would need to check." Di Angelo swallowed it all up.

Darned! I was going to solved this case.

I got my break later in the day when I was driving back. It was Dan. He got a clue.

"I got this from his mouth. It was sperm." Dan sounded amused. "I ran DNA tests. It belonged to a scuzz bag. I send the info to your desk." 

Damned Di Angelo! He was f*****g me with that. He knew I was on the way home and did me that low blow. I was riled up and made the 'U' turn on my car. I went up the steps and stopped before my desk. All Dan left for me was a yellow note.

Gerald Benning. He was Sean' uncle from his father side.

I sent out a BOLO on the man.

I went home.

The call came at dawn when I was down to my briefs. I dressed up and drove to the Precinct. I met the Uncle in the room.

"Look, I did not kill him." Uncle Gerald was a looker but he was not my type. " We used to do that since he was young. But I left him there. He said he wanted to cleaned up."

Uncle Gerald showed me the alley which was near the crime scene. We found nothing on Uncle Gerald except for improper conduct in the alley. I was back to the f*****g start line.

It was Di Angelo who came to my rescue. He gave me a new clue.

"I got a drunk whom I feed by the back door. But he have information that f******g ooze like my dogs. He told me he heard of a stabbing case in downtown where his girlfriend was staying at." I stopped Di Angelo and got the name I needed. I was f******g tired of listening to his long winded tale.

Rebecca Clara Richmond.

She reside in the alley opposite of the crime scene. She sleeps there by the Chinese takeaway store. She was talking but all I had was circumstantial evidence.

"I saw the man cleaned himself with the tap here; his shoes and his pants. Mighty fine man. A f*****g hunk if I ever needed one that time. It was then the Chinese man came out from that door. Accused him of using the tap and they argued. He stabbed him in the body like this." The lady in the shawl and dress did the act which resembled the act of stabbing. "He ran across the road. Then he fell."

"What happened to the Chinese man?" I asked the homeless lady.

"He went back in the shop. But he threw the knife. Good one too. I was a chef at the Ritz before I left for better prospects." Rebecca showed me the knife she had in the hand. "Do I get a reward like what Ernie told me."

I took the knife back to the Precinct and had it examined by Dan. It matched and they were partial prints. It belonged to the chef who worked there. I went over with an arrest order. The man had left the employment.

"He went back home. He said he was homesick." The owner told me.

"Where is home?" I asked him although I knew the f******g answer.

"Back in Shanghai." Yup, a city of twenty millions people. F******g luck I would get him again.

The Commissioner read my case report. Then he smiled at me.

"Your f*****g suit came in. The guy suing us for damages to his private property. He's an attorney. We stand to lose some public funds but we won't throw you into jail." The Commissioner looked at me. "But you could do us a favor. One, never f*****d with an attorney car even thought he had a back for you. Two, learned to solve cases fast. You are getting f******g old that the slow boat to China sails faster than your work.

That was one f******g letdown in my career.

"So Jimmy, did you get the murderer?" I looked at Di Angelo.

"F***k you." He had to rubbed it in hard.

Footnote:

30 f**ks in the tales. Told you the F made the tale sound f*****g better. Now I would washed my pants of the soiled marks.